A/N: Happy 2014 everyone! I hope this new chapter is a decent New Year’s gift for all. It’s another dialogue-heavy portion, but there is a lot taking place, so try not to miss any of the details being spoken (If you can…I know my writing can get long-winded). With that said - may all of you have a wonderful rest of the year :)
Chapter IV
-
With both arms folded across her blouse and legs crossed beneath a long skirt, Mikasa sat in Armin’s office with a posture of conviction, as unrelenting as the most solid of stone statues. Connie was ordered out of the room moments ago, and now only bustling strain kept them company as they beheld one another with completely opposite bearings – hers lackadaisical, his borderline livid.
“What in the world happened last night?” Her blonde comrade demanded.
“Nothing, Armin.” She kept her answer concise.
The young man suddenly stood, slamming both palms upon his desk and seemingly shaken beyond his limits by her apparent apathy. “We saw you on the cameras sneaking over to Erwin’s quarters. And then that insane fight between you and Levi around the garden…” His tone soared into an unprecedented level of fury. “I don’t even know how to report this to the heads. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I probably wasn’t.” Which was the truth. Mikasa thought as she kept her eyes on the same line of sight, now looking at Armin’s belt instead of his face.
“Evidently you weren’t – since you already knew we had bugs in their rooms and didn’t need you to go eavesdrop!” One quivering hand lifted the folder containing their written objectives and shook it towards her. “You almost compromised our entire miss—”
“Well I didn’t, did I?” She elevated her own timbre to interrupt him. “Now, let me fucking hear what I came here to hear.”
Frustrated yet defeated by her – as was the usual endgame whenever disagreements arose between them - Armin grabbed the miniature cassette tape resting at the corner of his desk and tossed it into her lap. “I still have no idea what took place back in your room before this conversation, but I don’t think I want to ask.”
—
Right as Mikasa pushed play, Levi’s now familiar voice immediately began to speak. She felt her palms pressing both cushioned pads flush against her ears, wanting to savor every word for reasons she dared not consider.
“Ackerman escaped, Erwin.”
Erwin was unmistakably surprised. “And you didn’t go chasing after him?”
“I did, but—”
A third party suddenly made herself known in the room, her loud tone providing almost unnecessary emphasis to every syllable. “But our Levi here became preoccupied.”
Hanji Zoe. Mikasa mused both at the woman’s entrance and at her statement. As last night already exhibited, she seemed to have a penchant for disruption.
“Oh?”
“Let’s just say I caught him and that Miss Mikasa in a rather…” A cough sounded. “…suggestive position.”
Mikasa found herself flush as she thought back to how the two of them must have appeared last night to any witnesses. She had given a wonderfully spontaneous performance that brought the interference that she sought, yet in the midst of grinding bodies and gasping breaths she had entirely lost control of herself. Fueled by the physical battle that had taken place just before – at least, she had been aware of the complete circumstances – they were molten like lava, ready to liquefy into one another and destroy everything in their passionate path.
“So what if we were, Hanji?” Levi’s retort in her ears returned her to attention. “Erwin knows that I consider her to be beautiful. He thinks the same.”
She felt her flush deepen in color.
“Well I certainly third that.” Hanji responded matter-of-factly. “But I don’t have a reputation like yours to maintain.”
“And what fucking reputation is that?” As he spoke Mikasa could almost visualize Levi’s malicious glare, identical to how he had looked at her in her agent form.
“In all the years I’ve known you, you have never acted this intimately with anyone no matter how beautiful, much less this quickly. What’s different about her?”
“Yes, pray tell, Levi.” Erwin gave his own insistence.
“You two are acting like gossip mongers right now.” Levi’s answer was almost disappointing, for a part of Mikasa had wanted to hear the explanation in his own words. “It’s none of your goddamn business what I think of her.”
“It is our business when we are all in the middle of important undertakings.” Unperturbed, the older man took the conversation back towards a serious angle. “Tread carefully, Levi. You’ve never allowed your personal feelings to compromise anything. Do not go further now.”
“I will be damned if I let that even start.”
There was no pause as Erwin brought down the final gauntlet. “You already have.”
A cacophonous scratching of wood against wood and the fading sound of stomped footsteps later, Mikasa noted that only two persons remained in the room. Her heart thumped at the fact that the topic of her had brought such conflict between three supposedly steadfast individuals, but as she watched Armin’s dubious glances from the side, she knew that a similar conversation was about to take place in this very office.
Within the footage, Hanji finally broke the pregnant silence. “That went well.”
“Levi knows how to take care of himself, but just two days ago he was suspicious of her of being part of the government’s forces.” Erwin stated with a faint sigh. “At this point I hope she is not, for his sake.”
She gulped at the momentous words, recalling just how perceptive Levi actually had been at the beginning. Random scenes from their recent physical clash blinked through her subconscious, with each reimagined meeting of their swords sending throbbing aches through her already weary brain cells. She knew she was fortunate to have escaped without being recognized, but their next inevitable meeting as their true selves now hung in the balance, alarming her with its potentially lethal outcome.
“Mikasa the teahouse dancer working for the government? Really?” Hanji was quick to express her doubts. “She seems innocent enough…”
“I suspect nothing myself.”
“Even if she is under their command, I would then be curious about how they run their operations.” Changing the subject slightly, the bespectacled woman made her own priorities clear. “After all, rumors are that there is a rather brilliant kid named Armoire or something in one of their squads. I would love to take someone like that under my wing.”
An amused grunt from Erwin was followed by silence. With her headache suddenly distracted by what had just been said, Mikasa replayed Hanji’s final statement in her own mind, almost unable to contain a grin.
“I’m guessing you just got to the part about me.” Armin sighed next to her. “That’s all there is of the recording.”
“If it’s any consolation, I promise that I will never nickname you Armoire.” She threw him a playful glance as she detached the headphones from her head.
“Mikasa.” In the same vein as Erwin, Armin was quick to return to the matter at hand. “Are you going to sleep with him?”
“What?” She almost dropped the device at his blunt inquiry.
“From the sound of things you’ve gone far enough already with Levi, so I figured you were probably going all the way - and I’m not being sarcastic.”
The statement elicited something reminiscent of guilt and irritation within her, and Mikasa found herself retaliating immediately. “Why do you care, Armin? It has never mattered to you before.”
“Because from the way I watched you react to that recording, this time you are actually falling for this dangerous guy – while he is doing the same for you.” Armin exposed her feelings without clemency, as if ripping passages from the diary of her thoughts. “But let’s not sugarcoat things - you really don’t even know each other at all.”
“I think I know enough from staring at his case files for the past month.” And from too many incidents big and small the past few days. “I’ve slept with people I know even less about.”
His hands were upon her shoulders now, laden with an urge for her to find clarity. “That’s not the point, Mikasa…you know only what is written on paper.” Aquamarine eyes searched hers thoroughly for answers. “So you don’t deny that you are falling for him?”
“There is nothing between us.” She lied, as she was so adapted to doing. “And don’t forget that both our lives probably only exist on paper anyway.”
Armin lowered his limbs stiffly, once again defeated but evidently still doubtful of her trustworthiness.
“I should also reiterate that your lifelong goal has been to slay his boss…”
Another reminder, another sting.
“And I will do just that without incident.” Mikasa found herself reaffirming the objective with her agent self’s obedient tone.
“In the end, you’re free to feel whatever you want to feel and do whatever you want to do, Mikasa.” The young man’s arms were folded against his chest now as he recognized the potential ineffectiveness of his words. “But heed my advice – this time I feel like there is too much you still don’t know. I can only repeat what was already said to Levi: do not let your personal feelings compromise anything.”
Free? I haven’t been free for years. She almost wanted to exclaim but refrained, as she knew Armin himself was not responsible for any of her own predicaments. Instead, she voiced her final discontent, unable to withstand the conversation any longer.
“If you still feel so damn uncomfortable about it, then I will find out as much as I can today just to appease you.” With that, Mikasa grabbed a spare earpiece that rested within a side cabinet and turned brusquely towards the exit, just as Levi probably had done the previous night in Erwin’s quarters.
“If he finds out who you really are, you know he will kill you, Mikasa.” Armin delivered his ultimatum as the distance between them lengthened.
She halted mid-step, every ounce of her being forced to absorb the troubling reality of the matter. Visions of crimson returned to shroud her eyes, directing her blindly unto endless paths accelerating towards tragic conclusions. Somewhere within the unwanted incubus she retrieved her voice, only now it was riddled with a tenacity she no longer wanted to retain.
“Not if I kill him first.”
—
When Mikasa attempted to reenter the teahouse from her usual entrance, an unexpected flurry of activity within the gardens deterred her route. With no other choice, she tucked the earpiece within the folds of her red scarf before circling around the vicinity to the front, hoping that she would encounter no one curious enough to ask questions about her abnormally casual state of dress. To her misfortune such hope was in vain, for she came face-to-face with the most inquisitive of all as soon as she opened the wooden gate.
“Ah! Miss Mikasa!”
The reflective lens of gold-rimmed glasses forced her to blink hard, but Mikasa recovered quickly and gave her customary bow.
“Ms. Zoe.”
Hanji’s large eyes scanned her from top to bottom. “Where have you been?”
“Just wanted to take a walk outside.” Her voice was relaxed as she transitioned into another topic. “I should congratulate you on the success of your project yesterday. The skies were beautiful.”
“Why thank you! You are so kind.” Previous curiosities seemingly forgotten, the older woman laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her scalp. “It worked for a short while anyway…”
Mikasa answered with a cautious smile. Though Hanji Zoe was no doubt intelligent, all the dossiers Mikasa had perused dubbed her nothing short of a human torture expert. Through usage of self-mixed drugs and self-designed mechanisms, she was allegedly responsible for the unintended revealing of countless government secrets within the infamous interrogation chambers of The Legion. In a way, she was perhaps the most treacherous of them all.
Before her recollections traveled further, however, numerous clattering from the back gardens – the same ones that had served as warning for her to take a detour – sounded again. Her feet began to briskly walk towards the noise, needing to satisfy her own wonderments.
“What’s happening back there?” She questioned as she heard Hanji trailing her, for she knew she needed to keep their ongoing conversation centered elsewhere.
“Levi is helping Ymir clean up the garden after the intruder incident last night.” Her unwanted companion voiced from behind. “He made a mess and killed – I would estimate - about half the plantlife.”
I was probably responsible for at least a portion of that. She calculated before feigning ignorance. “I didn’t realize it was this serious.”
“Well, he also apparently forgot the severity of the situation himself after he went in your direction.”
Mikasa stopped abruptly and turned around, eyes widening at the indirect accusation. “Ms. Zoe…”
“Sorry, sorry!” Hanji placed both hands in front of her in a defensive stance. “But you two really were such a sight to behold last night…I don’t mean to be frank, I’m just always straightforward like this.”
“I usually don’t behave like that.” She stressed, both to convince Hanji and to remind herself. “Just so we are clear.”
“Well, that makes two of you. In all the years I’ve known him, Levi has never acted like this with anyone.”
Mikasa paused within at the echo of the previous night’s recording, already anticipating what would come out next from the woman’s mouth.
“So why do you think you are different?”
“I…I have no idea.” She turned away to hide the flush that emerged again despite her irritation. “Shouldn’t you be asking him this instead of me?”
“As if he would say anything!” Laughter resounded at her apparently ludicrous inquiry. “He has always kept his emotions in check…he’s probably one of the hardest people for me to decipher, and I’m usually pretty good.”
From her knowledge of Hanji Zoe’s notorious reputation, Mikasa immediately envisioned a bloody interrogation session taking place under her sadistic command. Yet at the same time, as she snuck a glance at the brunette woman’s carefree, joyous countenance, something within the scenario did not fit with what she had read and memorized. Sneaking a finger into the layers of her scarf, she carefully switched on the hidden listening device. Armin, you better be paying attention right now.
“Plus, Levi usually scares off everyone.” Hanji continued, seemingly unaware of what had just taken place. “Those eyes, the cold demeanor, the intimidating tattoos…can’t blame people for being petrified.”
“Tattoos?” Mikasa recalled seeing blurred photos in his file, but only now was she reminded that she had yet to see them in the flesh.
“He gets them to hide the scars that refuse to fade. I’m surprised you don’t know about those…I thought that by now…”
She sighed at the veiled suggestion, though she knew she had stepped right into it this time. “Ms. Zoe, I should emphasize again that we are not that kind of teahouse.”
“Well from what I’ve seen, there is already enough attraction between you to unite the two poles of earth.” The woman’s inferences were becoming more and more elaborate. “If I’m wrong about that…then what exactly is going on between you? Did you put something in his tea to turn him this way?”
“Yes, Ymir’s signature love potion is very potent.” Mikasa could only respond flatly, hoping that sarcasm could become the final discouragement from further questions.
Hanji paused with mouth halfway gaping, as if she had considered the answer to be truthful for a brief moment. To Mikasa’s own surprise, it took another ten full seconds before realization finally dawned upon her.
“You’re a funny one!” A single finger mischievously pushed up the bridge of the scientist’s glasses. “I think I’m starting to see what he sees now.”
Well, it’s likely not my sense of humor that he appreciates…
“Just be careful, Miss Mikasa.” Hanji’s tone suddenly turned comforting, almost maternal. “I’ve known Levi since he was a teenager. If you show him something genuine he will be absolutely loyal towards you, but if you take whatever that thing is away, he will not hesitate to hurt you back.”
“I know he lost his parents.” Sensing an opening, she pried further with genuine curiosity. “What happened between that and when he joined you?”
“Quite a lot.” Hanji sighed. “Too much, from what I’ve heard. His loyalty towards people he trusted was exploited far too many times, and he was used as nothing more than an assassin of innocents by the worst of underground factions. He has probably witnessed things…no child should ever see.”
The solemn words transported Mikasa’s thoughts back to her own experiences years ago. Unbeknownst to most, the government had immediately taken her under its wing after witnessing her loss, with a subliminal guarantee from particular superiors that if she followed all future instructions, one day she would have a surefire chance to avenge her parents. Even those like Hannes had never been informed that such a promise was already given while she was still young, and it was this resolution that enabled her to continue on her own. For years she powered through the haze of intense training, rising through the ranks by conquering – and never questioning - the gloom of demanding, bloody missions.
Yet now, as her absolute aim drew closer than ever, she could no longer restrain the amount of apprehension that clouded her mind, for there was finally realization that she had also offered a decade of herself as sacrifice - in exchange for nothing more than uncertainties.
“Not to make things sound better, but you could say that all the offenses he commits now for The Legion are actually acts of revenge, against people just as dishonest as those he blindly followed in his youth.” Hanji continued as if reasoning with her own observations. “Levi swears to me that he no longer has nightmares about those earlier years, but it’s pretty obvious from how his eyes look day-by-day that he still does.”
Revenge and nightmares. What familiar words.
A reassuring palm suddenly landed upon Mikasa’s shoulder, almost startling her in the process. “Whatever you’ve done to him already, Miss Mikasa, I say keep going, because he certainly needs some light shed in his life…and sometimes what we do here certainly does not help.” Honesty infused the older woman’s voice as she made her request. “But like I said, be careful along the way. Protecting yourself is also a way of protecting Levi.”
“Why does anyone need to protect me?”
She actually jumped this time, and next to her Hanji did as well. From the corner of her eye Mikasa deciphered Levi’s familiar stature as he stood at a short distance, arms grasping an unruly bunch of victimized tree branches. As slow as the hour hand of a clock she turned to face him, but she kept her eyes lowered, only allowing herself to see the streaks of dirt that marred his pristine white slacks and dress shirt.
“Levi!” Hanji let out her same sheepish laugh. “We were…just kidding.”
“I see.” His voice was unamused. “Well as far as I’m concerned, right now I only need protection from all that filthy soil.”
She almost smiled at his poor attempt at a joke, even though she knew it reflected his true sentiments. What followed, however, wiped away all notion of delight from within.
“That damn intruder will have hell to pay for this.”
You know he will kill you, Mikasa.
The pair of harrowing statements lacerated through her thoughts like two unyielding blades, propelling her head to dart upward to dodge the imminent discomfort. For a heated moment her eyes met his hawk-like stare, and on instinct, she swiftly turned away to depart the area. “Excuse me.”
Her mind barely registered that such an action might be considered suspicious, for she had been unable to withstand the intensity that emerged between them even within that single second. Though his words had felt innocuous despite much resentment, it was as if he had spoken them directly to her. Yet when their gazes met, she saw an undeniable gleam of hope within the midst of sapphire – whatever his remaining doubts about her were, he had not wanted them to become truth.
—
As soon as she reentered her room, Mikasa reached for the drawers containing Ymir’s kimonos. Some point between the beginning of the mission and now, the modern clothing that she was so used to donning – that she wore currently - no longer felt a truthful reflection of herself. The idea that the traditional garb returned her to more innocent days had been budding, and after the disconcerting encounters and flashbacks that just took place, she found that she required the comfort of such an attachment straightaway.
As she unwrapped her scarf, she removed the device concealed within and placed it within her own ear. “Are you satisfied now, Armin?”
Her comrade’s speech echoed immediately. “There was almost nothing we didn’t know already, Mikasa.”
“I only promised that I would find out more about him for myself.” She stated as she discarded more pieces of her outfit before grabbing for the canary yellow look she wanted. “And I did.”
“Mikasa…never mind.” Armin released a sigh. “There is something I have been wanting to tell you, and you alone.”
“Take us off the record, then.”
“I already did.”
Though her hands were already involved in the complex process of dressing herself in the vast fabrics over her robed undergarment, she paused at the unusual tone in his voice. “So tell me.”
“Hanji Zoe didn’t sound nearly as dreadful as our files made her out to be, did she?” Armin stated almost nervously. “I’ve been listening to all the recordings out of her room as well…absolutely nothing struck me as alarming. And no, I’m not saying all this just because she praised me.”
Whereas she would be seeking out her obi by now, Mikasa stopped all actions instead as she digested Armin’s ongoing commentary. “I know you’re not.” Her kimono hung by only her shoulders, silk swinging loosely with every slight movement. “It is…somewhat odd, isn’t it?”
“Erwin and Levi discussed a lot of plans over the past few nights, but nothing of serious offense.” The observations continued without recess, as if a floodgate had been opened in Armin’s channels of thought. “Beyond those initial threats towards you, they have not sounded nearly as menacing as we had all presumed from the files and rumors.”
“Do you think it’s just because they know we are listening?” Mikasa attempted a final justification.
“No, I still don’t think that.” Strangely, the young man’s considerations sounded similar to Erwin’s own I suspect nothing myself from the recording. “I’m not sure what to think.”
She breathed deeply, watching each rise and fall of her chest upon her likeness in an adjacent mirror. Through a window opening, the grey ambiance outside invaded the backdrop of the reflection, as if forecasting a doom that would eventually consume her. The entire situation was quickly becoming a disheveled web of suspicions and ambiguities, and Mikasa had no semblance of where her position rested.
Without realizing it, her right hand grabbed for one of the several kanzashi hair ornaments upon her table, with its cascading, yellow flower petals a blooming contrast against her tresses. Reaching upward, she quickly smoothed her mane before twisting her hair back into the same knot that she had learned from her mother as a child. The previous chaos of black, caused by her careless removal of clothing, was instantly subdued, giving her temporary relief from thoughts that were becoming just as disorderly.
“I have to go, Mikasa.” Armin’s final words were whispers of warning as she secured her bun with the long brass pin. “Be careful.”
The government is far more corrupt than us. She couldn’t help but recall to the conversation from two nights ago, when her loyalty towards her superiors was first disturbed by Levi’s claim, and now only furthered by both Hanji and Armin’s words. Turning off her communicator and hiding it within a hidden enclosure in her wall, she began to pace out of her room despite the lack of a belt securing her kimono, needing to find immediate purchase from the suspicions that were now dispersing through her mind. She had always operated on her own, under stringent education and precise orders – but what if she was indeed under constant manipulation? What if she was truly alone, submerged in the ignorance of all else she was commanded to do as she aimed towards the singular goal of vengeance?
Somewhere within her vicinity, she discovered an aged bench that had likely served as the fortress of countless deliberations prior to hers, and she landed upon it with dejection. As her back leaned against the rough wood for support, awkward posture completely contrary to how unyielding she had been in front of Armin, Mikasa felt both eyelids gradually became heavier under the load of jumbled thoughts and the ever monotonous skies. Only one recognition endured as the fog of slumber seized her: she was finally fatigued; tired of thinking of ideas too confusing, too dangerously farfetched.
—
“Put these poor people out of their misery.”
Four shots, two to each head.
More gunfire that buried even her own cries.
—
Mikasa’s eyes opened to the darkness of nightfall above, cloaking every object around her in a shade of murky, deep violet. Only the dim illumination of two hanging lanterns provided visibility for her surroundings, an almost silent milieu had it not been for echoes of Ymir’s faint laughter as she entertained guests some distance away.
How long have I been asleep?
Still inhibited by exhaustion, her usually alert senses only detected the shadow of a second figure when it started to speak.
“I have them, too.” The familiar timbre announced from the other end of the bench. “Bad dreams.”
She gasped in surprise, body scooting away from the sound at a moment’s notice until she almost slipped off her edge. Within her recovering vision came the half-lit sight of Levi sitting cross-legged, staring straight ahead into obscurity as one arm extended along the top of the wood towards her direction. She could decipher that his shirt was clean again, now neatly tucked into the waistband of trousers as black as his hair, almost camouflaged into the night.
“Don’t worry, Mikasa.” He shifted only his lips. “You didn’t say anything out loud, but your expressions were telling enough.”
Unsure of how to respond to his claim, she grasped both sides of her opened kimono with one hand and closed off any reveal of the white robe underneath. Then, without uttering a single word, she lifted herself from the bench before heading back towards her room at a modest pace, ensuring that every step was not too hurried despite her racing heart. Behind her, Mikasa sensed his quick reactions as he stood to give chase, though in a considerably different way than the night before.
“You are avoiding me.” Rather than accusatory, Levi called out his words as fact.
She did not turn around. “I was told by one of your own friends that I should be more careful around you.”
“And you actually give a damn about what Hanji suggests?” He was quick to identify the culprit.
“No, not really.”
“I thought so.”
The few seconds it took for her to reach her door felt like hours instead, each moment ticking by in slow motion as she attempted avoidance. But just as she entered the confines of her quarters, she heard his footsteps quicken, followed by a firm grip upon her wrist that left it hanging right outside of her own entryway.
“Mikasa, about last night…”
She closed her eyes at the fervent memories, the heat now being transmitted from his fingers yet another vague reminder of their exchange. Sensing that there was truly no escape, her mind decided to prepare its own inquiry.
“Did you actually mean what you said?” She turned slightly, allowing him to have a view of her profile. “That I’m ‘exactly what you need?’”
He drew himself closer via their linked hands, stepping into the room to stand right behind her as he responded. “If you think I said that to you just to get a night’s worth of satisfaction—”
“I gave the situation some thought, and I’ve come to realize…that we barely know each other, Levi.” She articulated Armin’s warning, hoping to convince herself that she no longer wanted him in such proximity.
“In terms of time, perhaps.” His thumb traced her pulse with guarded tenderness, sending shivers up Mikasa’s spine. “But we both wear years worth of visible and invisible scars that require healing - what more is there to know?”
“Those do not define who I am.” She turned fully without hesitance, directing her eyes to look right into his as she did not want to showcase the same unease as hours before. Even in the darkness of her own room the azure of Levi’s eyes penetrated the shadows, giving her his undivided attention as he uttered further truths.
“That might be a futile wish for us both, Mikasa.”
“It’s the only wish I can afford.” Her voice nearly quivered.
“But you seem like someone who dares to wish for more.” His hand slid down into hers now, flipping the palm open before his fingers blindly outlined its every crease. “That’s what’s different about you, Mikasa. I lied back then when I said that I saw nothing from you, because no matter when I look – even if there are tears - a constant strength burns in your eyes.”
The thorough answer to the long-awaited question now heard with her own ears, Mikasa felt herself relax slightly under his touch. Another part of her remained tense, however, for she knew that the determination he saw stemmed from something far too ominous.
“That strength is what I’ve been seeking for years.” Levi finally released her hand as he confessed. “Since mine was extinguished long ago, even if I pretend otherwise.”
The words knocked unexpected solace into her heart, sedating its hammering beats with their bare vulnerability. Instead of giving in the previous apprehension of having him near, she extended her arm upward, reaching behind his shoulder to grasp the edge of the door panel before sliding it closed. The actions echoed that of last night, when she had shut the same door at an identical pace – only this time, their gaze never broke.
“Levi.” Her voice was now a mere whisper as she leaned closer, inhaling the fleeting scent of musk that stimulated her with every breath. “Show me your tattoos.”
He shuddered in surprise at her request. “Why?”
“I want to learn how you’ve tried to cover up your scars.” The silk of her kimono sleeves grazed against him as both of her hands shifted towards his cravat. “I want to know more.”
He said nothing, only watching her with intensity as her fingers deftly unknotted the white fabric. Once it loosened and dangled on both sides of his neck, exposing the top sets of his shirt buttons, she moved onward, slipping each pearl-like stud through their respective slots at deliberate speed. One by one the spheres fell victim under her caress, exposing the spans of muscle lining his torso as more and more fabric split aside. Once she arrived at the halfway point, Mikasa’s eyes immediately fell upon the shadow of the fresh bruise she inflicted during their fight, with its darker hue cutting across the bottom of his ribcage like an assertive stamp of ownership.
“That’s not a tattoo.” He explained behind deepening breaths. “But it represents an experience I must remember.”
Earlier today she would have been haunted again by Levi’s animosity towards her agent self, but somehow all concerns were forgotten as she inspected her mark upon him firsthand, almost intrigued by the memory of the violence that could so easily occur between them. It’s a frightening yet wonderful strength we both possess. Her subconscious recited.
Her hands continued their work, eventually freeing the stubborn hem from its confinement. Both palms then made a precarious journey towards his shoulders, carefully savoring the velvet of his skin against swells and slopes of hardness. As both cravat and shirt slid down his arms, she detected the detailed image of a menacing eagle upon his right bicep, inked in hues of dark green and black as it posed with wings halfway spread. Upon closer inspection, Mikasa saw that the creature’s alert eye took the place of a small bullet wound.
“I was first shot at the age of six.” He stated as she felt the roughness of the circular shape. “Almost lost this arm entirely.”
The shirt fell upon the ground, and he rotated in place, giving her a view of his fully tattooed back. Two more large wings, one black and one white, superimposed a shield emblem, forming a symbol of utmost grandeur. The magnificence was short-lived, however, as countless lacerations that marred otherwise smooth muscle became perceptible under the hues and outlines of each feather shape. Every hint of damage narrated a horror story Mikasa could only envision in the darkest corners of her mind, and she roamed the mutilation with spread fingers, utterly speechless.
“The wings…flight…they carry me away from my own nightmares.” He bit out at her touch.
The world has been cruel to us, Levi. She wanted to embrace him from behind then and there, but Mikasa resisted, for one additional question now surfaced within.
“We both wear years worth of visible and invisible scars, like you said…” She turned him to face her again, wanting to give this final test of their unique connection. “But do you know what the worst wound of all is, Levi? The one that haunts our dreams…the one neither of us can conceal?”
“I do.” He murmured without hesitation. “The worst wound is loneliness.”
The accuracy of his statement reverberated against Mikasa’s mind, and she marveled briefly at how he had read her thoughts, just as she predicted. Indeed, it was this exact feeling that faintly tore away at her conscience day in and day out; solitude that devoured her despite the presence of so many colleagues and assigned goals; isolation that triggered her ongoing need for revenge, even if she knew no true resolution would ever manifest in the end. No one else around her had ever fathomed the turmoil within or saw the strength she conjured up to battle against it, until now.
All the recent warnings from Armin and Hanji dissipated into ephemeral words of long ago, as if they were never spoken. The fact that the man in front of her still served her archenemy was now only a secondary thought, for all she wanted was to merge into her portrayed role completely and dissolve into his arms, even if those same limbs could eventually threaten her own existence. She was no longer Mikasa Ackerman, the agent abiding by strict orders – she was Mikasa Ackerman, the woman possessing her own power and freedom of choice, seeking additional shelter through empathy that had escaped her for so many years.
“Last night, you assumed that a few kisses could mend that wound for me.” She murmured back.
“And you seem to forget that it was you who seduced me first, Mikasa.” Levi retorted, having interpreted her statement as negative. “So don’t tell me you didn’t want it as much as I did—”
“I didn’t.”
Her hand flew up to rest against his mouth, silencing him with both words and action.
“As you said yourself earlier, I dared to wish for much more than that.” The tip of her finger lingered upon his bottom lip before she retracted it at a snail’s pace, brushing past the juncture of his chin in the process.
“You…” Levi’s pupils visibly dilated at the implication of her words, and both his thin brows arched in surprise.
You know he will kill you, Mikasa.
Not if I kill him first.
But before even more pain, before all the foreseeable bloodshed…
“Heal me from that loneliness, Levi.” Her gaze was earnest, almost pleading. “Just once is all I want.”
“Mikasa…”
She placed a comforting hand along his jawline, relishing the end of its movement as he uttered her name. “Heal us, and I will lend you my strength.”
Leaning back against the side wall, Levi extended an arm to remove the ornament that secured her hair, releasing raven tresses until they fell like soft curtains against her shoulders. A return to chaos, but also freedom. Mikasa pondered as she allowed her kimono to slide down her arms and pool at her feet. She now stood in front of him in only her pure white undergarment, with nothing left underneath but her chest bindings. But when her hands moved to open that cloth as well, Levi reached out and seized her wrist again instead. He pulled her towards him into an unexpected embrace, burying his face into the fabric around her shoulder.
“I have lived a damning life, and my sins cannot ever be cleansed.” He confessed in good conscience as his hold around her waist tightened. “Are you certain you want to be tainted by all this, even if it’s just one time, Mikasa?”
She placed a palm upon his chest as she stretched her neck back to look at him. “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.”
His expression gave away nothing. Instead, he covered her fingers with his own.
“Then let us show each other…how this cruel world can still be beautiful.”
The danger he embodied still lingered on Mikasa’s mind, but as Levi’s hand guided hers across his toned stomach, as their eyes shared that familiar mutual understanding, she knew without a doubt that she would finally give in to these devastating desires.
There could only be more agony for us in the end. But just for tonight, let me be selfish. Just once…
She closed the distance between their lips.
-
Chapter IV – End
Source :http://fuku-shuu.tumblr.com/post/71906419050/fukushuu-chapter-iv
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