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Chapter VII
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Agent Mikasa Ackerman. Killed in Action.
The neon blue text glowing against the dark backdrop of Armin’s computer screen caused him to blink viciously, until reality concluded its delayed permeation into his still-aching head. The starkness of his current bedsheets was a mirror image of his former office walls, void of any blemish that could possibly distract from the goals meant to be achieved within its confines. However, the gentle wrinkles upon the fabric, coupled with how it shifted leisurely alongside his own strained movements, proved that there was actually some spirit left in this new abode – and within himself. Lifting a hand, he touched the fresh bandages that properly wound around his head, just to ensure once and for all that his current surroundings were not mere fantasies.
Less than twelve hours ago, he had been awakened by the alarming smell of smoke, with its foggy embodiment slithering in from every which direction and choking his lungs via a pitiless assault. But before panic settled in, a staunch figure had completely broken down the door to Krista’s guest room. Without a single word Erwin Smith – so recently still a target of his operations – had proceeded to wedge Armin’s slackened form between a muscled arm and a robust torso. Before long, they were rushing through a literal hell of blazing, victimized house furnishings, all succumbing to a crime of arson that had been designed to snatch the younger man’s final breaths.
Only when Erwin and him both drew in fresh night air again did Armin realize that Krista – unconscious, face blackened by smog, but alive - had been protected under the tall blond’s opposing arm the entire time.
“One day, you’ll learn to thank me for always tracking your whereabouts.” Despite blurred senses, Armin had heard his savior give a snappy statement towards another individual resting elsewhere upon the cement road.
“Just shut…up and save her…” The response had sounded desperate and incoherent, but there was no mistaking whose had spoken the request.
Levi?
And Mikasa…? Where are…
Concern for his comrade was the last thought to cross Armin’s mind before he also tumbled into a dark recess.
“How is the hacking going?” From his current doorway, a familiar voice jolted him out of reveries he preferred to soon forget. His mind quickly readjusted to the fact that it was now 11:34 am the next morning, and he had been up for exactly two hours and six minutes. Fifty-seven minutes ago he had requested from Hanji Zoe the use of a laptop with an untraceable connection, and about thirty-two minutes after that, he had successfully breached the final level of security placed upon his ex-employers’ database records.
In the more ominous corner of his thoughts, Armin also recalled what the brunette woman had mentioned earlier – how just a few rooms away, his gravely injured comrade was now being treated and observed in The Legion’s version of Intensive Care – unconscious, but still breathing.
“It’s going well.” Tossing the poignant thought aside for the moment, he nodded with as much confidence as he could gather. And just as he finished saying the final word, Hanji plopped herself down upon the chair situated next to his bed.
“Did you find out anything important?”
Gingerly, Armin turned the computer screen in her direction, allowing a comprehensive view of Mikasa’s updated profile. “It seems that they think the assassination attempt was successful.” He elaborated upon the displayed words, though he knew they spoke for themselves. “Mikasa is now ‘dead,’ at least according to database updates on the surface. But knowing these people, internally speaking she is at most MIA, since no one ever saw a recognizable body for themselves. Those in charge will surely keep an eye on her potentially resurfacing…even for years to come.”
Hanji rubbed at her pointed chin as she digested the analysis in full. But even by that innocuous action alone, Armin could envision the woman’s brain dashing through the multitude of risks and consequences that required additional examination. After a few more seconds of silence, she finally slapped palms upon both kneecaps and flashed her signature asymmetrical grin – an expression somehow both unsettling and reassuring – back towards him.
“Well for now, hopefully our friends at the morgue will hold up their end if they are interrogated any further.” Irises sparkled with mischief, seemingly further emphasized when viewed in contrast with her shaded lenses.
The expectant statement served as another reminder of their conversation after his initial awakening, when Hanji had explained that the local hospital happened to possess far more than a few newly burned corpses, and that those could serve as their decoy selves against the inevitable meddling by government investigators. In any other universe, Armin would be stunned by the horrific coincidence, but he knew all too well that with the crime levels of the area, violent and fatal incidents were merely standard routine. Nevertheless, he reiterated grievances that would surely guilt him for a long while.
“I still feel apprehensive about all this, putting even more people in danger for lying on behalf of us…”
“It will be fine.” One of Hanji’s hands moved from her knee up to his shoulder without warning, but to Armin’s own surprise, he did not feel the need to flinch from the sudden contact. “I already made sure that all dental records have been forged properly. No one will have reason to suspect that anything is amiss.”
“Right.” He nodded once more, finding that his breaths now conveyed more relief than anything else. “And I just replaced Mikasa and my original dental records in the agent database with the ones you gave me.”
“Did you now? You are really something else, kid.” Shaking her head languidly, Hanji voiced an impressed seal of approval.
If I were all that…I probably would’ve realized everything much sooner. The emerging self-criticism caused Armin’s fists to clench with regret, and instead of responding to the compliment, he decided to shift the subject matter elsewhere. “Are all of your faction members safe and accounted for?”
His conversation partner leaned back further against her chair in a stretch before placing both hands behind her neck. “Yes, I didn’t have the chance to tell you before, since you were in a rush to access the database. But soon after Levi left the teahouse yesterday many of your former colleagues arrived to wreak havoc…we handled the situation fine, with my special gas concoction and all. No serious casualties besides twenty-or-so unconscious agents napping on top of each other across the grounds, haha!”
It was now Armin’s to be impressed - and amused - at the described scenario.
“That Ymir woman insisted on going into hiding on her own…I’m assuming out of guilt or fear of any reprisal from us for what she did.” Hanji’s gaze lifted towards the ceiling as she recalled the fate of the teahouse owner. “Honestly, with all the money serving as bribery, I can actually somewhat understand why she betrayed our confidence. And I guess she seems capable of handling herself…she has plenty of her own underground connections everywhere, after all.”
“Yes, even Krista knows her well.” Armin thought back to past conversations where the freckled woman’s name had come up in passing, and how Krista’s eyes always seemed to glitter at every instance. “I imagine she might go find Ymir after this and see if they can help each other…”
“Well, two is always better than one!”
He almost chuckled at the enthusiasm in Hanji’s voice, as it seemed almost out of place considering the dire situations they were still embroiled in. Nevertheless, they had all lived to tell the tale – and that alone was enough fuel for at least some optimism. Clearing his throat, he turned towards his former adversary and gave the deepest bow he could manage in his seated position.
“We owe your men a huge debt for saving all of us in time, Ms. Zoe.” The apology sounded almost mumbled, even to himself, due to his downturned face. “I’m…sorry about what we did as agents.”
To Armin’s surprise, he felt fingers entangle within the hair at the crown of his head before ruffling it playfully.
“Don’t worry about it.” Alongside the affection gesture came the supportive response. “You even said it yourself - we barely shared any damaging information despite your ongoing surveillance. I mean…who could’ve imagined that all this was just so those corrupt hags could make sure Mikasa would kill Erwin? Oy…”
Supportive, authentic, relaxed – the more he spoke to the brunette and digested her true nature, the more Armin berated himself for ever envisioning the easygoing woman as a ruthless human torturer. Gradually, he raised his head again and looked her in the eye, as he was no longer hesitant about doing.
“I guess they knew only she could manage such a task, especially when Levi was involved.”
At the mere thought of Mikasa again, guilt gnawed away at every inch of him, and his gaze now sought reassurances he knew only Hanji could provide at the moment.
As if sensing the slight foreboding tone at which he spoke, Hanji immediately provided the answer he desired. “She remains stable, in case you are wondering.” Umber brows shifted to angles that emphasized her mutual concern. “Mikasa’s strong, she will make it.”
“I know. I just wish I could speak to her this very second, even if just to reassure her.” Expelling a sigh from his lungs, Armin decided to confess his remorse to the full extent. “I feel responsible for what happened to them, and for Krista…losing everything again. If only I had known about the government informants scouting the streets as we were passing through that day…”
“Don’t blame yourself for the foul intentions of others.” Hanji’s palm returned to his shoulder, only this time it was paired with a resolute squeeze. “And don’t you dare apologize for them, kid. They don’t deserve that grace.”
The words infused a much-needed reminder into Armin’s psyche, serving as a formal treaty to resolve the ongoing battles of his conscience. Though his years of loyalty were given to the wrong side, the light at the top of the dry well never dimmed. On the contrary, whatever blockade had existed to obstruct his escape had now been ripped wide open, and he recognized that renewed hope lingered just outside of this recovery room.
“Yes, you’re right.” At last, a genuine smile crept into his expression. “Thank you…for the reminder.”
“Like I said, as long as everything between us is cleared up in the end.” Seemingly relieved herself at his more tranquil demeanor, Hanji gave a wink behind her glasses. “Due to the circumstances you have found yourself in, I will ensure that you have our protection in the future. But…would you perhaps consider working for us, Armoire? To help those who actually deserve to be helped?”
Once again, her words gave Armin pause, though this time it was for a completely different reason.
“I am not opposed to doing that.” He released a chuckle at memories of Hanji’s preexisting admiration, as overheard during the surveillance period. “As long as…you learn how to say my name correctly.”
-
“Mikasa…”
“Mikasa…”
She dashed through the labyrinth in an erratic journey, attempting to pursue the echoes of her name coming from countless directions. Bare feet touched neither soil nor grass but crunched against a flood of reddened leaves, all detached from their mother trees as the seasons shifted at a relentless pace within her imagined universe.
Mother? Father? Is it dinnertime? I’m…on my way…
As she rounded a corner, Mikasa came face-to-face with a handsome stranger donned in all black, standing solemn at the center of a crossroads while one of his hands gripped upon his white cravat. The paths behind him projected into destinations unknown, though in her heart, she knew that the sources calling for her waited at the end of each one.
Who…are you? She inquired as her footsteps slowed to a halt. When he detected the sounds of her approach, the man’s head turned towards her in pained acknowledgement.
No more running in this direction, Mikasa. The shapes formed by his thin lips failed to match the command perfectly, for a languid delay inserted itself between each spoken syllable. Hidden under wisps of black hair, steel blue eyes bore a vivid familiarity as they beckoned her to change course.
It’s time for you to head back home.
But I no longer have a home. Despite a lack of identification her hands rose and reached for him, as if seeking out comfort that had been lost somewhere in the smothering atmosphere of this world. My parents call for me now, but I no longer know which direction to go. I am…alone.
Grasping her wrist, he drew her into him as if it were the most natural gesture, entwining their bodies in a manner that injected warmth and life back into her every vein. No, never alone. The embrace tightened for a moment before he pushed them apart again. Give me your hand.
Mikasa obliged with reluctance, for she somehow felt that whatever trust had existed between them was wounded at best. When his calloused fingers placed a squirming object within her palm she gasped, and after retracting her entire arm, she looked down to find a praying mantis now dwelling amidst the lifelines that embossed her skin.
I’ve seen this before…
Yes, when you were younger in this world. But you also saw it in another life, where we both battled with weapons that looked just like what this creature possesses.
Somehow, her brain did not process the portion about their co-existence in that alternate universe, and so she watched the insect with the same curiosity as she did as a child, marveling at its regal posture and pair of bladed forelimbs – only this time, a thin spread of crimson coated the jagged edges, forming a blatant complement to its emerald physique.
Blood? Shuddering, she looked back at the stranger with anxious eyes.
Mine. He raised his own palm for her to observe the minute lacerations that had been curated prior to her arrival. It was trying to wake me up…to bring me home. But it’s not my time.
This…can take us to where we should be going?
Yes, just trust it and let it conduct its free will. He assured. Don’t be afraid of blood any longer, Mikasa. You’ve drawn enough - and shed much of your own - in the name of muddled purposes. But everything will be clearer again, once you return home.
Mikasa opened her mouth to question his exact meaning, but a tinge of pain prevented her from releasing anything beyond a yelp, and she could only gape as a familiar red tint spread across delicate tissue from the fresh, tiny cut that the praying mantis had inflicted. The sight would have been unpleasant in any previous circumstance, but an unexpected sense of elation accompanied the blood’s emergence, and all the recent memories that had gone absent slowly returned to resuscitate her mind. Before she realized it, her body became truly weightless and floated further and further into the air – above the leaf-covered ground, above the labyrinth walls, above the man – Levi? Was that his name? – and his standing form.
Wait, what about you? When will it be your time? She called from the skies right before the grapples of true consciousness took hold.
A somber smile flashed across his sharp features.
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
—
Her eyelashes fluttered open to an intense bout of fluorescent light, basking everything in her peripheral in an almost heavenly glow. Her immediate reaction came in the form of a migraine, followed by vague pain and discomfort along the left side of her torso. To her slight relief, however, Mikasa felt only the presence of a singular, thin tube running from her nostrils into her throat, rather than a multitude of conduits that could’ve very well gagged her. The bullet went through my ribs and collapsed one lung, she recalled grimly as she attempted to shift her entire body position. But at least this shows that I can still breathe on my own. I cannot seem to move very easily, however…
“You’re still weak, Miss Ackerman.” A deep voice to the side interrupted her self-diagnosis. “You have been under an induced coma for a month. And don’t think that I’ve been waiting at your bedside all this time…Hanji just informed me earlier today that it would be safe to awaken you.”
Startled by the presence of another – her heightened senses of awareness had not reactivated yet – she turned her head sluggishly to the side to regard the unwanted companion, even though she already knew who it was. When the masculine features of Erwin Smith – well-dressed and arms folded as he leaned against the wall - came into sight, she squinted in feeble antipathy. The sentiment was short-lived, however, as her mind finally processed the most crucial parts of his words. Not only had he used her real surname – meaning that her identity as agent was no longer under wraps, but he had also revealed the disconcerting duration of her dormancy.
“One…month?” Her chapped lips throbbed as they were finally ordered to move after an extended period of inactivity. “Where are…”
“Mr. Arlert and Miss Lenz are safe.” To her chagrin, Erwin continued to deliver every sentence with an almost robotic tone. “That’s what you wanted to know first, right? Armin has been working alongside Hanji here at our headquarters, in fact.”
Even in Mikasa’s half-alert state, that final development nevertheless surprised her more than how exactly they had ended up in The Legion’s hands. Still, the consolation of Armin’s safety trumped above all other apprehensions. Right before she was shot on that dreadful night, she had been fearful of what would befall her gifted colleague and friend, since he was already afflicted by his own injury. If Armin accepted who he now owed his life to and joined the faction for that reason alone, it was likely a small price to pay.
Before I was shot… Her thoughts of one individual now shifted to another, as she began to recall the full circumstances that took place one month past.
“And Levi…Levi,” She found it difficult to verbalize his name, for a part of her did not dare to find out the answer. “Where is he?” He might have brought me back because it was ‘my time,’ but he himself…
As if on cue, Erwin slowly unwound his arms from their rigid state, instead placing them at his sides. “He was wounded very badly and suffered immense blood loss, so we’re still keeping him under close supervision.” Cobalt blue eyes met hers in a penetrating fashion. “Contrary to your case, his coma…was not merely induced, unfortunately.”
The news prompted the existing ache along Mikasa’s left side to travel upward into her chest cavity, enveloping her thumping heart with suffocating remorse. Though she was thankful to all the heavens that he had not perished, their blighted journey would still be denied an uplifting conclusion. Even if it was all a figment of her own imagination, she pictured him still trapped in that maze of despair, wandering between worlds forevermore. I should’ve remembered you…I should’ve grabbed for you and not let go…
“I want to see him…” Vocalizing the sudden urge, she struggled to sit up and drive her hope into motion. But all efforts proved futile as she finally detected the cold metal loops attached to her wrists, with their other ends secured upon the patterned bars running along her bedframe. “What…what the hell is this?”
“I’m afraid I cannot allow that right now, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin walked to her bedside at a calculated pace, eventually gripping one ring of the handcuffs rattling against Mikasa’s furious movements before holding it in place. “Despite your frail state, I know exactly what you’re capable of. And if you still don’t trust us, then I cannot trust him being anywhere near you.”
She forfeited all efforts at controlling her mounting rage. “You don’t fucking understand—”
“I understand perfectly what you mean to him, but forgive me if I doubt your complete reciprocation.” The commanding blond continued to express steadfast cynicism as he gazed down upon her bound figure, with no sign of retreat.
If it’s a challenge you want, a challenge you will get. “You know very well he tried to protect me from that first bullet.” She bit back, straining against the combination of her binds and her own lack of strength. “We might be on opposing sides, but I know when I owe a debt.”
To her own surprise, Erwin actually seemed to soften at her statement. With a sigh, he turned to find a seat upon the undisturbed corner of her mattress, all while being careful to not stress the furniture with his added weight. Dipping his head momentarily in contemplation, it took another whole minute before he lifted his eyes to hers again.
“I’m…not sure if you realize the actual extent of everything, Miss Ackerman.”
She blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Let me explain how you got here…which I’m surprised you have not asked about yet. The teahouse was raided that day after Levi left, but we took care of the intruders quickly.” He recalled the memories of her last conscious day from his perspective. “From the mouth of one whom we captured, I figured out what had been taking place…and that you were actually the infamous Agent Ackerman. Thankfully Levi left a strong enough trail for us to follow, so my men and I arrived at Miss Lenz’s place right as it started to burn and helped all of you escape…your former bosses had set the home ablaze after shooting you both, in case you were wondering.”
Mikasa felt a shudder surge down her body at the rehashed tale, though she practically expected such harrowing acts of “clean-up” from those she knew all too well. In order to maintain her composure, she rolled her eyes in an act of feigned disinterest. “Get to the point.”
“I won’t claim to be virtuous, Miss Ackerman – I never do. Throughout this whole ordeal I was more than prepared to kill you if you weren’t who you seemed, and I was tempted to leave you dying in that burning house.” Erwin looked away and leaned forward, linking fingers from both hands underneath his chin. “But then, from Levi’s own bleeding mouth I found out who you truly were in the context of years ago…” He paused.
“Put these poor people out of their misery.”
Without warning, tears threatened to well within her eyes as memories of the fateful order surfaced. Though she had not been this saddened by the details for a long while, Mikasa knew her mind was still suffering emotional imbalance from her sudden revival, on top of all the revelations that had already been shared in the last five minutes.
Deep down, she knew it was about to get worse.
“I…apologize for your parents.” The man at the end of her bed finally spoke up again, conveying repentant words with an attitude completely contrary to his previous resignation.
She gasped, and the rapid motion led two streams of liquid to trail down her cheeks. “You actually…think I would accept that now?”
"Just listen to me, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin returned her stubborn stare with one of his own, though the arch of his thick brows indicated hidden guilt. “The truth is, both Levi and I knew you were present back then, standing not far from where your parents lay dying."
"…what?"
"You don’t remember, do you?" It was his turn to sigh. "Or…I imagine you simply could not hear what I whispered to Levi at that moment. Our real intentions.”
Against the even undercut of dark hair, Erwin leaned in to whispered indecipherable words before straightening once more.
“I…I don’t understand.” Mikasa attempted to process the moment as she remembered it. Since it was exactly as he just described, whisper and all, she felt unprecedented trepidation at what was coming next.
"Guns from the government troops were pointed in every direction, even towards you. We had to distract them via a drastic action that would refocus attention back to the two of us." Erwin continued retelling his side of the distressing experience. "Otherwise, you would be caught in the crossfire next. My own weapon had been lost in the scuffles prior, so I gave Levi that order and whispered to him that we had to protect you, a child, as priority."
Behind his blue eyes, Mikasa could tell that the tall man was envisioning her bedridden figure as her 9-year-old self – the same tearful, immobile, and fragile girl who failed to fathom comprehensive realities. She knew that even if these new disclosures were false, they seamlessly fit into her own recollections; Even if Erwin had spent the past month weaving up this elaborate excuse, a part of her still wanted to believe it so desperately – for such an explanation would at least pardon the man who pulled the trigger - the man she cared for - to some degree.
“Your parents were already beyond saving due to their wounds from the crossfire …so we both tried to use uncivilized methods to save you. In retrospect it was not wise, as you bore witness to the act, but something had to be done in the heat of the moment…and who would’ve thought that years later…”
My survival…in exchange for my parents’? Fate continues to deal me the card of irony, after all.
“No, these are all lies.” She found herself shaking her head, still unable to handle the enormous weight of the incessant explanations.
Ignoring her denial, Erwin continued his grievances. “All in all, it seems… we only pushed you into a life you were never meant to lead. We never expected the government to take custody of you right after you were orphaned, much less train you to be one of the most dangerous and most aloof…It’s no wonder we never knew your full name, or even gender, for all these years.” He shut both eyes, hindering her view of the ghosts that had begun to shadow their previously brilliant hues. “For that, I am…regretful.”
“Stop lying to me.” Mikasa’s plead was a borderline wail, a cry for everything to stop making sense in the most horrific way. There was little doubt that Levi knew he had been unjustly accused when she first revealed her victimized identity, and yet, submerged in guilt akin to Erwin’s, he had absorbed all blame and never gave her proper reason for his past actions.
"Perhaps I cannot convince you that what we did for you is the truth.” Erwin pressed onward, though more delicately now. “But I believe you already know this fact from reading the files Mr. Arlert acquired: that was the first and last time we had bystander casualties, and it was the last time The Legion ever attempted public assassination. We learned our lesson in the most detrimental way.”
Though it had been long since she last set eyes upon those incriminating documents, she remembered that being the case. That - and so many other details beyond what she thought the government was capable of hiding or manipulating.
“Miss Ackerman.” The firm usage of her name meant that Erwin required her full attention again. “Who do you think the real enemy is?”
Flashbacks of her training and all her past missions replayed in her mind, culminating in a film reel that held little substance beyond false pretenses. Now that her long-constructed veil of retaliation against Erwin and The Legion had been removed as her ultimate purpose, she could finally reevaluate her previous objectives with more clarity. I was nothing more than a brainwashed pawn, blindly heeding the orders of those actually responsible for this world’s demise…
“We may have been on opposing sides, but as both you and Mr. Arlert have now witnessed firsthand, we are no more your adversaries than the people you have served for so long.” As if reading her thoughts, the perceptive leader did not hesitate to drive further nails into the coffin of her past. “In fact, you could consider us…the lesser of two evils. Hanji for one is harmless - she would not hurt a fly unless under extreme provocation.”
“I…I recognized that about her already.” Mikasa thought of her conversation with the woman back at the teahouse, which had triggered her uncertainties in the first place. “But it was never about Hanji…you, and Levi…even if you were trying to protect me, you took away so, so much…”
“We can never substitute what you already lost.” As usual, no sugarcoating occurred in the older man’s words. “But perhaps I should tell you one final detail: when we extracted you both from Miss Lenz’ place that day, Levi was still conscious. It was then that he insisted on you being helped before himself…that’s why his treatment was delayed, and why he is still lingering between life and death.”
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
“He…” Her voice nearly broke at his sacrifice. The labyrinth, the praying mantis, it was all symbolic of reality, after all…
“Yes, he prioritized your life over his own, as he has apparently become so accustomed to doing.”
I just want you by my side, Mikasa. And if I ever do decide to leave the organization, I want you there with me.
Please, Mikasa…Let me keep you safe…from whatever is chasing after you.
She nearly sobbed aloud at Levi’s pledges from all those nights ago, each now dangling above an abyss of beautiful uncertainties that might never be fulfilled. In the end, you were always there, and you already kept me safe…from so much.
Sensing her growing acceptance of trying facts, Erwin reluctantly shifted closer, eventually gathering one of her limp hands in his. “But keep in mind…you saved him in many ways as well, from what I could witness.” He served a reminder of her pivotal role. “And for that I – and I’m sure Levi – will always be grateful. I personally don’t feel compelled to fully trust you just yet, but I will never deny how much you’ve changed him, even in such a short period of time.”
A stinging jolt infiltrated Mikasa’s soul as she reminisced upon all that they had shared, from initial tension to fervent passion to heartbreaking resolution. Somewhere during all her years of existence, she had lost herself beneath the bloodiest of shrouds, but Levi had stormed into its confines and unraveled the crimson threads to set her free, just as how lingering thoughts of him had aided her recent escape from her own mind’s maze. They might never get past the initial tragedy that linked their fates, but at least she could recognize that ultimately, they truly fulfilled one another wherever gaping holes had been left. Despite his own tormenting experiences he built, thirsted for their connection – and for her sake he had given all of himself in the process.
“Do you still possess the desire to kill him? Or me, for that matter?” Erwin’s serious inquiry prodded at the edges of her psyche. She suddenly conjured upon a vision of her parents again, both calling for her name as they usually did in her visions – only this time, it was not for the sake of dinner, but the sake of her future.
Mikasa…live on.
She watched Erwin with intensity, scrutinizing the idea that this unyielding man had given her both unimaginable suffering and – indirectly - exceptional joy. She didn’t know if there was truly a concept as that necessary balance of the universe, but with thoughts of her parents’ ultimate request, she managed to swallow what still remained of her previous misgivings.
“No. Even on the night when we were shot, I already made a decision to stand down.”
Whatever clouded Erwin’s eyes seemed to dissipate in a second. “Oh?”
“I still resent you for giving the order, but…” Her voice remained peppered with bitterness, though she permitted clemency to dominate her tone. “…perhaps vengeance is only a vicious cycle, and a fruitless one as well, in this case.”
A hint of a relieved smile surfaced upon Erwin’s face, and the hand that had already surrounded hers was joined by his other one as he proceeded to affirm more verdicts. “Whatever our personal reservations are from now on, I will always feel indebted to you for the loss I was responsible for.” He balled her fingers together almost protectively. “So even though you caused us great stress as a government agent in the past, I am willing to help you. And perhaps…we can somehow reinstate complete trust in the process.”
The proposal rendered Mikasa speechless for a moment, as she hadn’t expected him to act as a father figure so swiftly and decisively. So this is why Levi respects you so much. She mused, and the thought of him inspired her to provide her own conditions.
“Let me see Levi.” She shook the handcuffs still connected to her other wrist. “And I will agree to try your terms.”
Erwin gave pause before reaching into the left pocket of his trousers, no doubt to retrieve the keys that would detach her restraints. “I can tell that you genuinely care about him, Miss Ackerman, but - do you…understand him?”
She scoffed.
“Mr. Smith, I am probably the only one in this whole damn world who understands him.”
—
With Hanji at her side to assist her balance, Mikasa shifted gradually down the spotless corridor, one hand gripping the cool metal pole of the IV stand that shadowed her path. Her muscles remained in varied levels of atrophy, and hence even the most miniscule movements required her utmost effort. The ground below each step felt as if it had been comprised of pins and needles instead of linoleum, instigating numbing pain that bud from the bottom of her feet and blossomed at the nape of her neck, forcing her teeth to clench in the process. Against all medical advice she had insisted on going to Levi as soon as possible, and though the journey proved to be excruciating, her stubbornness inched her forward.
The test of her endurance continued for another few minutes before they finally arrived at a locked, beige door. Hanji leaned to insert her key into the only aperture that separated them from within, but prior to permitting entrance, she turned towards her utter a final warning.
“I need you to be mentally prepared for what you are about to see.”
Mikasa nodded, though weakly. “I’m sure I have seen worse.”
The door was pushed ajar, and she rounded the corner in the same hurried manner as she had done in the labyrinth, right before encountering his supernatural form. This time, however, Levi had not stood there in waiting, and nor would he greet her – or even notice her.
The beeping of the heart monitor and the resonances of pressurized air were only faint afterthoughts as Mikasa faced the troubling sight just meters ahead. Her dried throat only became more parched as she perceived the assembly of tubes and patches that invaded the body she had memorized so well. Pale blankets and a gown similar to her own covered the rest of him, concealing both healing flesh and withering muscle. For a moment, she imagined the eagle upon his arm to be hibernating as well, fatigued by all it had confronted and waiting for its owner to awaken before taking flight again.
Leaning against Hanji for purchase, she stepped into the room and closed the space between them little by little. Beneath the clear material of Levi’s respirator she could slowly make out his distinct profile, with the pointed nose that had exhaled wisps of desire against her skin, and those lips that had convinced her to abandon all reason time and again. She longed to kiss him, to breathe some life back into this mute husk, but both of his features were now jailed within plastic, barricaded from her touch at the cost of keeping all his systems functioning.
As she finally came within tangible distance, Hanji left her side to collect a chair that had been at the room’s corner. Centering her weight at the balls of her feet, Mikasa knelt down in that brief moment, and nimble fingers instinctively reached for his. She could detect the rise and fall of his chest, a series of patterned movements that were too robotic to represent his authentic spirit. Despite the visible stubble lining his jaw, his fragility transformed him into a younger self, still harboring the ghosts of his past in the dip of his brow and endless qualms between every assisted breath.
Levi… She brought his frigid hand to her lips and blessed it the only way she could, being careful to not disturb all the contraptions connected to his flesh.
You and I…it was never a façade.
Hanji returned with the chair and proceeded to assist her into it. All the while, she did not let go of her grip on him.
“He made his own choices, you know.” The brunette stated with sympathy. “It has been a while since he had the luxury to do that, even if it led him to…this unfortunate point.”
She drew his hand into her lap, tracing the lines of his palm in a hapless search of any scars from the imaginary praying mantis. “I feel as if…we cursed each other’s fates ever since we were younger.”
“No.” Hanji positioned herself behind the chair and smoothed the back collar of her gown in the most maternal way. “Your paths, as difficult as they were, eventually united you and opened your eyes again to something better.”
“Is this…really ’something better,’ Ms. Zoe?” She murmured, allowing her gaze to examine Levi from head-to-toe again before landing upon her own injured body.
“Do you remember our last conversation, Miss Mikasa?” Unlike Erwin, Hanji preferred to address her by her first name, as it was the first moniker she knew. “I had warned you that if anyone betrayed him, he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt them back. But you were different…you were always the exception, and not just because of what he did years ago – he wanted to shield you even before he discovered that detail.”
The sobering reminder led Mikasa to stop tracing Levi’s palm and grip his entire hand protectively.
“After all was revealed, Levi still chose you above everything else, even himself.” Above her, Hanji’s proclamations continued. “People in this world perish every second without understanding such sacrifice…without giving…much less experiencing love anywhere close to that level.”
Love. Something swelled within Mikasa at the candid mention of the word. He had only confessed the word once in the midst of his own distress, but she remembered all the small and significant instances where he demonstrated it via action. She had always reciprocated with reluctance, but just as how her tongue had uttered her feelings so carelessly – no – so truthfully that one blissful time, she knew that Levi had already snuck into all the atriums of her heart ever since they exchanged their first glance. From shared conversations to perilous duels, their pulses had begun to beat in tandem at every possible second. Only now, she was left with nothing but the mechanical sounds that failed to correlate with any modicum of herself. Love—she lifted his fingers to her lips once more. Oh Levi, how I wish I could say that to you again this very moment…
At some point, Hanji had backed away to give her some space, and her voice now resonated from closer to the doorway. “I know there is a lot to remember and digest…just don’t forget that you probably saved his life as well when you tried to stop the bleeding.” She paid tribute to what was perhaps Mikasa’s most critical action of all. “But as Erwin may have told you already, after that much blood loss and trauma, we just…don’t know when he will wake up again.”
The praying mantis was trying to wake me up…to bring me home. But it’s not my time.
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
“If Levi ever does come back, and I’m no longer here…” With his words still echoing against her mind, she disclosed her final request. “Will you tell him something for me?”
“No longer here?” Surprise saturated Hanji’s voice from behind. “Will you be leaving us?”
“Now that I know the full story, I realized that my parents would’ve wanted me to live on, to find myself beyond seeking vengeance for them.” She paused and extended an arm towards the bed, gently brushing a few strands of hair from Levi’s forehead. “If Levi loves me, he would feel the same…he would not want me to wait here for him and fade under unsubstantiated hopes.”
“Mm, yes…I can’t say that I disagree.”
“I still may return.” Mikasa stretched her entire body towards him this time, hovering her face above his as she spoke. “I just…need some time to figure things out.”
With the utmost tenderness, her quivering lips found the spot her fingers had just caressed, and she inscribed the contact into her memory forevermore.
“So, Ms. Zoe – will you let him know something for me?” She leaned back again after what seemed like eternity, turning towards Hanji to repeat her wish.
Behind reflective lenses, something fluid glinted within the woman’s eyes. “Cer…certainly.”
“Tell him that I always meant what I said in my own language.” Mikasa smiled openly for the first time since her awakening. “Levi will understand.”
—
One year and two months later
Standing at the middle of the courtyard in a rose cardigan and a billowing white dress, Mikasa concentrated all energy fully at the center of her body, while her mental focus channeled only the most significant of sounds through her senses. The katana in her grip remained as motionless as the rest of her, with its blade not giving off the slightest hint of trembling. The light refracting off the polished metal occasionally fell upon three ceramic plates, all resting at equal distance from her on the ground. As usual, she ignored the dozens of tiny heads perched upon the surrounding windowsills, with each pair of eyes curiously watching the scene. The occasional demands to hush that came from the most obedient mouths, however, almost made her beam with amusement.
“Now!” A command suddenly roared from her right side.
Snapping her eyes open, Mikasa swung her arm in premeditated patterns at the air in front of her position, with each strike fixated upon the array of apples, oranges, and pears that continued to appear in her attack range. Before long, the newly-sliced pieces of fruit fell victim and landed at the direct center of the plates below, with all the juicy portions cut into nearly identical shapes.
“Snack time, everyone!” From where the previous instruction had sounded, a short woman with dirty blonde hair emerged and announced with merriment.
“Wahhhh!” The audience of children cheered, and countless little feet began to rush into the courtyard at exceptional speed. Before anyone reached her vicinity, Mikasa swiftly sheathed her weapon and secured it on her back again, just in case any wayward hands tried to grab for it in the ensuing moments. Before long, the first set of kids surrounded her legs, applauding and clamoring in a way that brought a genuine grin to her face.
“How did you do that???”
“That was soooo cool!!”
Even the snacks had been momentarily forgotten as squeaking voices openly declared their admiration for her recent actions. Only when the other young female around her age pointed out that the fruits were nearly gone did Mikasa’s dedicated fanbase finally scatter about.
Chuckling, she left the kids with their fresh grub and walked towards her approaching colleague. “Thank you for the help, Rico.”
“Of course.” The woman named Rico proudly pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “They always love it when you perform this, so I selfishly want to join in the fun.”
“Whatever brightens all their little faces makes my day, too.” Mikasa glanced back at the children quickly, collecting one last bit of the usual warmth that spread from their infectious joy. “I’m going to go clean the blade now.”
“Alright, I’m going to wash all the plates once they’re done. See you later, Karula.”
Even with the pseudonym being attached to her new identity for so long, Mikasa paused before acknowledging the farewell.
With light footsteps, she returned under the roof of the building that she had called home for the past year. The pastel paint colors lining the walls of the Trost Orphanage were a constant comfort in her current days, and her temporary position as caretaker – a complete departure from her previous lifestyle – provided the stability and psychological healing that Mikasa had always needed. Surrounded by so many who nearly suffered due to circumstances similar to her own childhood, she felt substantial solace in being able to return happiness into the innocent, glittering eyes that now entrusted her as guardian. All in all, Hanji had been wise in assigning her to this place as a transitory refuge, especially as The Legion oversaw its security and kept it far beneath the malevolent radar of their enemies.
Nevertheless, Mikasa continued a training regimen that prepared her for whatever might lie ahead, and every morning she woke up at ungodly hours to maintain the same strength and discipline routine that she had become accustomed to as an agent.
If you ever have the desire again, you can return to the field as an operative for us. Erwin’s words from just before they parted ways constantly lingered in her mind. But for now, think of the orphanage as your rehabilitation, for as long as you need.
Armin paid her occasional visits whenever he was able, each time bringing more tales of life under his own pseudonym and of his work under Hanji’s supervision. Though they both treaded carefully in their daily practices, they also shared the sentiment that despite being in hiding, more freedom actually existed in this new livelihood.
Every night, Mikasa’s dreams were no longer of horror but of Levi’s embrace – those constant echoes of when they forfeited all supposed falsehoods and dove into the truth that was one another. Prior to her official departure from The Legion’s headquarters, she had stayed with him as much as possible. But as the date of her orphanage transfer approached the visits also became less frequent, since she knew she could not bear the heartache of leaving him for that indefinite amount of time. She was determined to progress in her new path, one that would inevitably sever their likely ill-fated relationship and allow her to somehow move on. Unfortunately, even when distance finally separated them, the thoughts and memories of him pursued her relentlessly, emptying their most fervent incarnations into her subconscious.
Sometimes, those phantom touches in her dreamscapes managed to haunt her more than past nightmares.
Whenever her morning training concluded and the younger residents of the orphanage awakened, however, Mikasa’s smiles always became genuine again. She allowed them to crowd around her, babbling on about the new wonderments and discoveries of the day. They would then sit within makeshift circles on the dining room floor, and she poured each child his or her own cup of warm tea as she digested every word, sometimes even attempting to respond.
No matter how dated the leaves were, she found that the resulting drink always remained deliciously sweet when she savored it with them. At every turn, the sight of the kids’ carefree faces restored the missing parts of herself that had been lost to most previous quests of rediscovery. And every moment shared in their presence brought her meditative peace only the most fortunate in their world could experience.
During those periods, she found that she could finally drive Levi, in all his flawed splendor, from the edges of her mind.
So the days progressed in animated harmony, often highlighted by the endless instances of laughter bouncing off periwinkle gates and magenta walls.
But on this particular late afternoon, Mikasa could sense that something different lingered in the air. It was a day when the sun shone with extraordinary radiance – Hanji and Armin’s joint experiments against pollution had become more and more successful in the recent months – but she knew it wasn’t the extra saturation of color all around her that inspired such anxiousness.
As she departed the storage room, leaving her now-clean weapon locked in a personal cabinet, another caretaker by the name of Sasha waved for her from the end of the hall.
“Karula!” The young woman’s ponytail swung like a rhythmic pendulum, rocking back and forth at the same rate as her arm’s movements. “You have a visitor.”
Mikasa wrinkled her forehead in confusion, though she immediately headed towards the waiting area. “Armin again? But he just came two days ago…”
“No, it’s not him. And wrong way, actually.” Sasha corrected from afar. “He’s in your room right now – Hanji sent word in advance that he is another old friend of yours.”
Shards of anticipation suddenly scratched at her every nerve, prompting her legs to dash in the fateful direction leading to renewed hopes. It can’t be…can it?
There was little dramatic pausing in front of her own door – from the evening at Krista’s, she recognized that locks and hesitation only shortened what precious little time they had all been bestowed in this world - and so her hands gripped the knob as soon as it came within reachable distance. A hurried twist upon brass, and the final barrier gave way to a sight Mikasa never imagined she could witness again.
“Karula is a beautiful name.” Bathed in the warm hues of the afternoon sun, the figure sitting at the edge of her bed spoke with subdued amusement as he looked out her window. “But I must say I still prefer the other one.”
From her vantage point, little had changed about him other than the slightly more defined angle of his jaw. Everything else, from the length of his black blazer to the folds of his cravat, remained just as she remembered. The onyx lengths of his hair hung in that same faultless distribution, spreading uniformly from the middle of his scalp and ending at his undercut.
“Levi…” The sands in her hourglass finally began to trickle again as her heart tumbled. “When did you…?”
“About four months ago.”
Levi stood as he delivered the surprising response, hooking both thumbs into the pockets of his trousers in a firm stance. Just as Mikasa’s bewilderment began to surface, he turned his head, allowing a full view of the rich shades of blue that had been relegated to her memories alone. With each passing second, the magnetism between them stirred amidst surges of tension, seemingly even more powerful after at least a year of lying dormant.
“Erwin ordered everyone to keep my recovery secret, since I needed to establish a new identity.” His tone bore hints of frustration, indicating that the process had been a struggle. “He also refused to tell me where you had disappeared to…but Hanji could never hold up such ridiculous charades for very long.”
Attempting to keep herself under control, she took a careful, almost undetectable step towards him. “They probably…just wanted you to focus on your rehab.”
“It didn’t exactly work, though I still managed fine.” Levi mimicked her movement ever so slightly. “But knowing that you were out here where I couldn’t be yet…made the past four months absolute hell.”
The statement pricked at Mikasa’s own heart, for she understood all too well what that oblivion felt like when it came to his previously unknown fate. Coincidentally, the outside world brought hints of the pending night through her window at that very moment, providing an indirect illustration of where his toils had taken him. The newly formed shadows in the room now obscured Levi’s features, and, with another hesitant step forward, he spoke of more ominous notions that she had almost forgotten to consider.
“Mikasa…” Though those fatigued eyes did not avert from hers, she could detect his labored refusal to touch her, “Know that you still have me at your disposal…to complete your vengeance, however you deem appropriate.”
The reminder dimmed Mikasa’s mounting elation of their reunion, and she thought back to when she had first openly professed her decision while still confined to The Legion’s infirmary bed. Erwin must have wanted him to hear things from my mouth, rather than be the messenger.
“I’m finished with revenge and nightmares, Levi.” Almost impassively, she reiterated her choice from a year ago, though she concealed the fact that it had already been made in Krista’s guest room, and then again at his headquarters. “I’m not going to use your life as a bargaining chip any longer.”
Something gleamed in Levi’s gaze, as if unexpected hope had been reinstated. “Then forgive me, Mikasa Ackerman.” He took a third, larger step in her direction. “For your parents. For all those lost years.”
His nearing proximity, combined with that earnest plead, both shattered and healed all the remnant brittle parts of her existence. “And what do you offer me in return?”
“Only the shell that is myself.” The arm bearing his concealed eagle tattoo lifted, as if inviting her to take flight alongside it. “For all the years still to come.”
The promise of their better future elevated her like the most potent of gusts, while leaving nearly every worry or doubt back in the chasm that would never engulf her again. However, Mikasa understood that the vision was far too idyllic - that no matter what, the realism behind their circumstances would not take mere words to resolve. Inhaling a deep breath, she declared the vital truth plaguing her heart, knowing that her honesty would haunt them both in the most severe manner.
“I’m afraid…that I cannot accept.”
“…what?” His response was nothing short of jarring.
“I…”
“Hanji told me what you said the day you came to visit me for the first time.” He drew memories from another sector of his mind, as reservations had evidently invaded everywhere else due to her rejection. “Do you…no longer still feel the same way?”
“I’ve thought much about things over the past year. Though I won’t carry out retribution any longer, and though what Ms. Zoe told you still remains true…genuine forgiveness will not happen today, either, Levi.” She gave great pause before continuing. “In fact, it may never happen.”
The outpouring of pain in his eyes was beyond difficult to ignore now, but Mikasa forced herself to withstand the sight. For months she had waited to divulge all these certainties, without knowing if there would even be the opportunity to do so. And now, as she faced him at last, it took every ounce of her resolve to speak her peace.
“The fact that you dealt the final blow to the two people I loved the most will always hover above us. That tragic detail will never, ever change.” Her own voice threatened to quiver at every syllable. “No matter how much my heart wants to follow you to the ends of the earth, we will…always be divided by that insurmountable wall.”
Just as his stoic façade began to crumble at those final, bleak statements, she quickly took the hand that had extended towards her, supporting him from the imminent descent into further turmoil.
“But…thank you, Levi.” With eyes now shut, she lifted his fingers to her lips, ensuring that their first contact in ages would end up being the most affectionate of all. “You took a part of my life away, yet you somehow returned much, much more back to me in the short time that we shared.”
The shift in her outlook prompted Levi to release a long-held breath, and even through her temporal blindness she could feel his posture relax again. He stood there now with slackened limbs, permitting her to grant restoration in the form of kisses along the bumps of his knuckle.
“So will you offer me time, on top of yourself?” Mikasa gave her clause as soon as she reached the edge of his skin, lashes half-hooding an uncertain stare at his dangling cravat. “Will you wait for the day that this divide may finally crumble, and I can look at you again as just Levi - nothing more? Even if…that day never comes?”
He flipped his hand over then, removing it gently from her grasp, and two fingers traveled to the point of her chin. She recalled that it was the same pair that had made contact on the night of their tea and conversation, and the tips now touched her again in a similar manner – though this time with impossible tenderness.
“You and I both know that day will come.” His words appeared to possess enough confidence for them both. “I will use the strength you gave me to climb all that separates us still. Whatever it takes.”
The deluge of her emotions swelled over every ounce of self-control then, and with a sob she threw herself towards him, initiating that perfect reconciliation of all the possibilities that had almost been seized from them both. His torso welcomed her with its comforting expanse, absorbing the fervor ignited by their eventual collision, and the shield engraved in his back finally returned to serve as her shelter.
“Then I will do the same on my end.” She verbally signed their pact against his shoulder. “You will never be alone in this quest, even if I’m not there next to you…remember that.”
“You seem even stronger now, Mikasa. Even though parts of you have softened.” Declaring his new discoveries like the children she looked after, he brushed the same knuckle she had kissed along her slender neck, eventually tangling fingertips into the curtain of tresses now tickling his collarbone. His other hand hovered around her wound that had almost proved fatal, now pressed closely against his own. “We even have similar scars…”
At those words, Mikasa’s grip upon his back tightened, and he spoke no more of the horrors that ironically formed yet another bond between them. Instead, they stood in place for what seemed like epochs, sealed together in that long overdue embrace. Only when he leaned back to place a kiss to her cheek did distance come between them again, and when thin lips finally slanted against hers she responded with zeal, allowing the physical connection to speak vows that had always eluded them both. You’re exactly what I need. Heal us. Come with me. Even all their past declarations amounted to so little in comparison to this consummation, through which all the walls of the labyrinth disintegrated, replaced outright by the utopia that only housed their most pleasant dreams.
Before they mutually perished from a lack of breath, he tentatively detached their mouths. Nevertheless, all the rest of them remained in flushed contact, forming the illusion of a single entity dwelling in her darkening room.
“So is this good bye? For now?” Settling his forehead into hers, he whispered the foreseeable circumstance.
She reached in to steal an additional kiss. “Just…for now.”
With a sigh, Levi unwound himself from her, and though she mourned the loss of his warmth, she knew that their next reunion would likely make up for it hundredfold. When he stepped aside to head in the direction of the door she did not stop him, but she also did not deny his concluding reach for her hand.
“Come back to me…when you feel like you are ready again.” His thumb ran over the sheathed tendons one by one as he urged from behind.
“I shall.” She spoke into the shadows that they both had traveled in for far too many years, and the last lingering rays of dusk became the interim beacon towards the paths resting ahead, now entirely lit with their faith in each other. “We still have battles left to fight in this world…and I already know the only one I want by my side if we must draw weapons…draw blood once more.”
Levi scoffed gently in response. “We will make everything beautiful again, somehow.”
After a final clutch, he terminated their contact and journeyed onward. But just as he crossed the threshold, Mikasa felt herself spin, for she recalled one more thing that he so deserved after all they had gone through. Her sudden movement prompted him to suspend his steps and turn around, regarding her with fond curiosity.
“Levi.” Words fell from her mouth in an intimate refrain, as if she had already recited them for a thousand previous lifetimes. “Aishiteru.”
He smiled back with an unprecedented brilliance that rivaled the sun of her youth, and the budding joy laid the first beautiful building block in the reconstruction of their story.
“Aishiteru, Mikasa.”
-
Chapter VII – End
=========
Fukushuu – Fin
-
A/N: And…it’s done! Thank you so, so much for following along since the prologue! You have no idea how much I have been overwhelmed by the support for Fukushuu. My very early contact with the RivaMika ship (And the two characters individually) inspired this idea, and through writing it as well as other pieces in-between, the story pulled me further and further into the brilliant spiral that is this fandom.
The ending actually changed about six or seven times. I originally had just Levi die, then I had both of them die, with Armin narrating at the end (Yahhhhh I’m sure that would’ve put me in good graces with all you readers out there, LOL)…then just Levi perishing again, then neither, then Mikasa…there were so many alternatives that I didn’t know which to decide on. But when I did a recent read-through of all the previous chapters again, I realized that it would be most cruel and unusual to kill either of them – because they suffered so much both in canon and in this universe, and thus they deserved at least a little bit of happiness. So I left it a little ambiguous here…which was probably the most appropriate since (In all honesty) it’s actually impossible for them to restart with a clean slate when “fukushuu” was what tied them together intrinsically. However, if you really want to know what I envision for them in the future: I see them back together, fighting side-by-side in the field and eventually toppling the government (Because they’re just too brilliant and awesome for words…and because I also wish for this to happen in canon). Most importantly, they continue to love one another both perfectly and imperfectly, since that embodies the reality of any relationship. All that is going to be left up to everyone’s imagination, though, because unless something significant occurs, this marks the end of the Fukushuu universe writing-wise for me! Thank you again for reading – please reply or message me with your final sentiments!!! :)
P.S. Yes, Mikasa became a Fruit Ninja. SUE ME.
Chapter VII
—
Agent Mikasa Ackerman. Killed in Action.
The neon blue text glowing against the dark backdrop of Armin’s computer screen caused him to blink viciously, until reality concluded its delayed permeation into his still-aching head. The starkness of his current bedsheets was a mirror image of his former office walls, void of any blemish that could possibly distract from the goals meant to be achieved within its confines. However, the gentle wrinkles upon the fabric, coupled with how it shifted leisurely alongside his own strained movements, proved that there was actually some spirit left in this new abode – and within himself. Lifting a hand, he touched the fresh bandages that properly wound around his head, just to ensure once and for all that his current surroundings were not mere fantasies.
Less than twelve hours ago, he had been awakened by the alarming smell of smoke, with its foggy embodiment slithering in from every which direction and choking his lungs via a pitiless assault. But before panic settled in, a staunch figure had completely broken down the door to Krista’s guest room. Without a single word Erwin Smith – so recently still a target of his operations – had proceeded to wedge Armin’s slackened form between a muscled arm and a robust torso. Before long, they were rushing through a literal hell of blazing, victimized house furnishings, all succumbing to a crime of arson that had been designed to snatch the younger man’s final breaths.
Only when Erwin and him both drew in fresh night air again did Armin realize that Krista – unconscious, face blackened by smog, but alive - had been protected under the tall blond’s opposing arm the entire time.
“One day, you’ll learn to thank me for always tracking your whereabouts.” Despite blurred senses, Armin had heard his savior give a snappy statement towards another individual resting elsewhere upon the cement road.
“Just shut…up and save her…” The response had sounded desperate and incoherent, but there was no mistaking whose had spoken the request.
Levi?
And Mikasa…? Where are…
Concern for his comrade was the last thought to cross Armin’s mind before he also tumbled into a dark recess.
“How is the hacking going?” From his current doorway, a familiar voice jolted him out of reveries he preferred to soon forget. His mind quickly readjusted to the fact that it was now 11:34 am the next morning, and he had been up for exactly two hours and six minutes. Fifty-seven minutes ago he had requested from Hanji Zoe the use of a laptop with an untraceable connection, and about thirty-two minutes after that, he had successfully breached the final level of security placed upon his ex-employers’ database records.
In the more ominous corner of his thoughts, Armin also recalled what the brunette woman had mentioned earlier – how just a few rooms away, his gravely injured comrade was now being treated and observed in The Legion’s version of Intensive Care – unconscious, but still breathing.
“It’s going well.” Tossing the poignant thought aside for the moment, he nodded with as much confidence as he could gather. And just as he finished saying the final word, Hanji plopped herself down upon the chair situated next to his bed.
“Did you find out anything important?”
Gingerly, Armin turned the computer screen in her direction, allowing a comprehensive view of Mikasa’s updated profile. “It seems that they think the assassination attempt was successful.” He elaborated upon the displayed words, though he knew they spoke for themselves. “Mikasa is now ‘dead,’ at least according to database updates on the surface. But knowing these people, internally speaking she is at most MIA, since no one ever saw a recognizable body for themselves. Those in charge will surely keep an eye on her potentially resurfacing…even for years to come.”
Hanji rubbed at her pointed chin as she digested the analysis in full. But even by that innocuous action alone, Armin could envision the woman’s brain dashing through the multitude of risks and consequences that required additional examination. After a few more seconds of silence, she finally slapped palms upon both kneecaps and flashed her signature asymmetrical grin – an expression somehow both unsettling and reassuring – back towards him.
“Well for now, hopefully our friends at the morgue will hold up their end if they are interrogated any further.” Irises sparkled with mischief, seemingly further emphasized when viewed in contrast with her shaded lenses.
The expectant statement served as another reminder of their conversation after his initial awakening, when Hanji had explained that the local hospital happened to possess far more than a few newly burned corpses, and that those could serve as their decoy selves against the inevitable meddling by government investigators. In any other universe, Armin would be stunned by the horrific coincidence, but he knew all too well that with the crime levels of the area, violent and fatal incidents were merely standard routine. Nevertheless, he reiterated grievances that would surely guilt him for a long while.
“I still feel apprehensive about all this, putting even more people in danger for lying on behalf of us…”
“It will be fine.” One of Hanji’s hands moved from her knee up to his shoulder without warning, but to Armin’s own surprise, he did not feel the need to flinch from the sudden contact. “I already made sure that all dental records have been forged properly. No one will have reason to suspect that anything is amiss.”
“Right.” He nodded once more, finding that his breaths now conveyed more relief than anything else. “And I just replaced Mikasa and my original dental records in the agent database with the ones you gave me.”
“Did you now? You are really something else, kid.” Shaking her head languidly, Hanji voiced an impressed seal of approval.
If I were all that…I probably would’ve realized everything much sooner. The emerging self-criticism caused Armin’s fists to clench with regret, and instead of responding to the compliment, he decided to shift the subject matter elsewhere. “Are all of your faction members safe and accounted for?”
His conversation partner leaned back further against her chair in a stretch before placing both hands behind her neck. “Yes, I didn’t have the chance to tell you before, since you were in a rush to access the database. But soon after Levi left the teahouse yesterday many of your former colleagues arrived to wreak havoc…we handled the situation fine, with my special gas concoction and all. No serious casualties besides twenty-or-so unconscious agents napping on top of each other across the grounds, haha!”
It was now Armin’s to be impressed - and amused - at the described scenario.
“That Ymir woman insisted on going into hiding on her own…I’m assuming out of guilt or fear of any reprisal from us for what she did.” Hanji’s gaze lifted towards the ceiling as she recalled the fate of the teahouse owner. “Honestly, with all the money serving as bribery, I can actually somewhat understand why she betrayed our confidence. And I guess she seems capable of handling herself…she has plenty of her own underground connections everywhere, after all.”
“Yes, even Krista knows her well.” Armin thought back to past conversations where the freckled woman’s name had come up in passing, and how Krista’s eyes always seemed to glitter at every instance. “I imagine she might go find Ymir after this and see if they can help each other…”
“Well, two is always better than one!”
He almost chuckled at the enthusiasm in Hanji’s voice, as it seemed almost out of place considering the dire situations they were still embroiled in. Nevertheless, they had all lived to tell the tale – and that alone was enough fuel for at least some optimism. Clearing his throat, he turned towards his former adversary and gave the deepest bow he could manage in his seated position.
“We owe your men a huge debt for saving all of us in time, Ms. Zoe.” The apology sounded almost mumbled, even to himself, due to his downturned face. “I’m…sorry about what we did as agents.”
To Armin’s surprise, he felt fingers entangle within the hair at the crown of his head before ruffling it playfully.
“Don’t worry about it.” Alongside the affection gesture came the supportive response. “You even said it yourself - we barely shared any damaging information despite your ongoing surveillance. I mean…who could’ve imagined that all this was just so those corrupt hags could make sure Mikasa would kill Erwin? Oy…”
Supportive, authentic, relaxed – the more he spoke to the brunette and digested her true nature, the more Armin berated himself for ever envisioning the easygoing woman as a ruthless human torturer. Gradually, he raised his head again and looked her in the eye, as he was no longer hesitant about doing.
“I guess they knew only she could manage such a task, especially when Levi was involved.”
At the mere thought of Mikasa again, guilt gnawed away at every inch of him, and his gaze now sought reassurances he knew only Hanji could provide at the moment.
As if sensing the slight foreboding tone at which he spoke, Hanji immediately provided the answer he desired. “She remains stable, in case you are wondering.” Umber brows shifted to angles that emphasized her mutual concern. “Mikasa’s strong, she will make it.”
“I know. I just wish I could speak to her this very second, even if just to reassure her.” Expelling a sigh from his lungs, Armin decided to confess his remorse to the full extent. “I feel responsible for what happened to them, and for Krista…losing everything again. If only I had known about the government informants scouting the streets as we were passing through that day…”
“Don’t blame yourself for the foul intentions of others.” Hanji’s palm returned to his shoulder, only this time it was paired with a resolute squeeze. “And don’t you dare apologize for them, kid. They don’t deserve that grace.”
The words infused a much-needed reminder into Armin’s psyche, serving as a formal treaty to resolve the ongoing battles of his conscience. Though his years of loyalty were given to the wrong side, the light at the top of the dry well never dimmed. On the contrary, whatever blockade had existed to obstruct his escape had now been ripped wide open, and he recognized that renewed hope lingered just outside of this recovery room.
“Yes, you’re right.” At last, a genuine smile crept into his expression. “Thank you…for the reminder.”
“Like I said, as long as everything between us is cleared up in the end.” Seemingly relieved herself at his more tranquil demeanor, Hanji gave a wink behind her glasses. “Due to the circumstances you have found yourself in, I will ensure that you have our protection in the future. But…would you perhaps consider working for us, Armoire? To help those who actually deserve to be helped?”
Once again, her words gave Armin pause, though this time it was for a completely different reason.
“I am not opposed to doing that.” He released a chuckle at memories of Hanji’s preexisting admiration, as overheard during the surveillance period. “As long as…you learn how to say my name correctly.”
-
“Mikasa…”
“Mikasa…”
She dashed through the labyrinth in an erratic journey, attempting to pursue the echoes of her name coming from countless directions. Bare feet touched neither soil nor grass but crunched against a flood of reddened leaves, all detached from their mother trees as the seasons shifted at a relentless pace within her imagined universe.
Mother? Father? Is it dinnertime? I’m…on my way…
As she rounded a corner, Mikasa came face-to-face with a handsome stranger donned in all black, standing solemn at the center of a crossroads while one of his hands gripped upon his white cravat. The paths behind him projected into destinations unknown, though in her heart, she knew that the sources calling for her waited at the end of each one.
Who…are you? She inquired as her footsteps slowed to a halt. When he detected the sounds of her approach, the man’s head turned towards her in pained acknowledgement.
No more running in this direction, Mikasa. The shapes formed by his thin lips failed to match the command perfectly, for a languid delay inserted itself between each spoken syllable. Hidden under wisps of black hair, steel blue eyes bore a vivid familiarity as they beckoned her to change course.
It’s time for you to head back home.
But I no longer have a home. Despite a lack of identification her hands rose and reached for him, as if seeking out comfort that had been lost somewhere in the smothering atmosphere of this world. My parents call for me now, but I no longer know which direction to go. I am…alone.
Grasping her wrist, he drew her into him as if it were the most natural gesture, entwining their bodies in a manner that injected warmth and life back into her every vein. No, never alone. The embrace tightened for a moment before he pushed them apart again. Give me your hand.
Mikasa obliged with reluctance, for she somehow felt that whatever trust had existed between them was wounded at best. When his calloused fingers placed a squirming object within her palm she gasped, and after retracting her entire arm, she looked down to find a praying mantis now dwelling amidst the lifelines that embossed her skin.
I’ve seen this before…
Yes, when you were younger in this world. But you also saw it in another life, where we both battled with weapons that looked just like what this creature possesses.
Somehow, her brain did not process the portion about their co-existence in that alternate universe, and so she watched the insect with the same curiosity as she did as a child, marveling at its regal posture and pair of bladed forelimbs – only this time, a thin spread of crimson coated the jagged edges, forming a blatant complement to its emerald physique.
Blood? Shuddering, she looked back at the stranger with anxious eyes.
Mine. He raised his own palm for her to observe the minute lacerations that had been curated prior to her arrival. It was trying to wake me up…to bring me home. But it’s not my time.
This…can take us to where we should be going?
Yes, just trust it and let it conduct its free will. He assured. Don’t be afraid of blood any longer, Mikasa. You’ve drawn enough - and shed much of your own - in the name of muddled purposes. But everything will be clearer again, once you return home.
Mikasa opened her mouth to question his exact meaning, but a tinge of pain prevented her from releasing anything beyond a yelp, and she could only gape as a familiar red tint spread across delicate tissue from the fresh, tiny cut that the praying mantis had inflicted. The sight would have been unpleasant in any previous circumstance, but an unexpected sense of elation accompanied the blood’s emergence, and all the recent memories that had gone absent slowly returned to resuscitate her mind. Before she realized it, her body became truly weightless and floated further and further into the air – above the leaf-covered ground, above the labyrinth walls, above the man – Levi? Was that his name? – and his standing form.
Wait, what about you? When will it be your time? She called from the skies right before the grapples of true consciousness took hold.
A somber smile flashed across his sharp features.
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
—
Her eyelashes fluttered open to an intense bout of fluorescent light, basking everything in her peripheral in an almost heavenly glow. Her immediate reaction came in the form of a migraine, followed by vague pain and discomfort along the left side of her torso. To her slight relief, however, Mikasa felt only the presence of a singular, thin tube running from her nostrils into her throat, rather than a multitude of conduits that could’ve very well gagged her. The bullet went through my ribs and collapsed one lung, she recalled grimly as she attempted to shift her entire body position. But at least this shows that I can still breathe on my own. I cannot seem to move very easily, however…
“You’re still weak, Miss Ackerman.” A deep voice to the side interrupted her self-diagnosis. “You have been under an induced coma for a month. And don’t think that I’ve been waiting at your bedside all this time…Hanji just informed me earlier today that it would be safe to awaken you.”
Startled by the presence of another – her heightened senses of awareness had not reactivated yet – she turned her head sluggishly to the side to regard the unwanted companion, even though she already knew who it was. When the masculine features of Erwin Smith – well-dressed and arms folded as he leaned against the wall - came into sight, she squinted in feeble antipathy. The sentiment was short-lived, however, as her mind finally processed the most crucial parts of his words. Not only had he used her real surname – meaning that her identity as agent was no longer under wraps, but he had also revealed the disconcerting duration of her dormancy.
“One…month?” Her chapped lips throbbed as they were finally ordered to move after an extended period of inactivity. “Where are…”
“Mr. Arlert and Miss Lenz are safe.” To her chagrin, Erwin continued to deliver every sentence with an almost robotic tone. “That’s what you wanted to know first, right? Armin has been working alongside Hanji here at our headquarters, in fact.”
Even in Mikasa’s half-alert state, that final development nevertheless surprised her more than how exactly they had ended up in The Legion’s hands. Still, the consolation of Armin’s safety trumped above all other apprehensions. Right before she was shot on that dreadful night, she had been fearful of what would befall her gifted colleague and friend, since he was already afflicted by his own injury. If Armin accepted who he now owed his life to and joined the faction for that reason alone, it was likely a small price to pay.
Before I was shot… Her thoughts of one individual now shifted to another, as she began to recall the full circumstances that took place one month past.
“And Levi…Levi,” She found it difficult to verbalize his name, for a part of her did not dare to find out the answer. “Where is he?” He might have brought me back because it was ‘my time,’ but he himself…
As if on cue, Erwin slowly unwound his arms from their rigid state, instead placing them at his sides. “He was wounded very badly and suffered immense blood loss, so we’re still keeping him under close supervision.” Cobalt blue eyes met hers in a penetrating fashion. “Contrary to your case, his coma…was not merely induced, unfortunately.”
The news prompted the existing ache along Mikasa’s left side to travel upward into her chest cavity, enveloping her thumping heart with suffocating remorse. Though she was thankful to all the heavens that he had not perished, their blighted journey would still be denied an uplifting conclusion. Even if it was all a figment of her own imagination, she pictured him still trapped in that maze of despair, wandering between worlds forevermore. I should’ve remembered you…I should’ve grabbed for you and not let go…
“I want to see him…” Vocalizing the sudden urge, she struggled to sit up and drive her hope into motion. But all efforts proved futile as she finally detected the cold metal loops attached to her wrists, with their other ends secured upon the patterned bars running along her bedframe. “What…what the hell is this?”
“I’m afraid I cannot allow that right now, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin walked to her bedside at a calculated pace, eventually gripping one ring of the handcuffs rattling against Mikasa’s furious movements before holding it in place. “Despite your frail state, I know exactly what you’re capable of. And if you still don’t trust us, then I cannot trust him being anywhere near you.”
She forfeited all efforts at controlling her mounting rage. “You don’t fucking understand—”
“I understand perfectly what you mean to him, but forgive me if I doubt your complete reciprocation.” The commanding blond continued to express steadfast cynicism as he gazed down upon her bound figure, with no sign of retreat.
If it’s a challenge you want, a challenge you will get. “You know very well he tried to protect me from that first bullet.” She bit back, straining against the combination of her binds and her own lack of strength. “We might be on opposing sides, but I know when I owe a debt.”
To her own surprise, Erwin actually seemed to soften at her statement. With a sigh, he turned to find a seat upon the undisturbed corner of her mattress, all while being careful to not stress the furniture with his added weight. Dipping his head momentarily in contemplation, it took another whole minute before he lifted his eyes to hers again.
“I’m…not sure if you realize the actual extent of everything, Miss Ackerman.”
She blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Let me explain how you got here…which I’m surprised you have not asked about yet. The teahouse was raided that day after Levi left, but we took care of the intruders quickly.” He recalled the memories of her last conscious day from his perspective. “From the mouth of one whom we captured, I figured out what had been taking place…and that you were actually the infamous Agent Ackerman. Thankfully Levi left a strong enough trail for us to follow, so my men and I arrived at Miss Lenz’s place right as it started to burn and helped all of you escape…your former bosses had set the home ablaze after shooting you both, in case you were wondering.”
Mikasa felt a shudder surge down her body at the rehashed tale, though she practically expected such harrowing acts of “clean-up” from those she knew all too well. In order to maintain her composure, she rolled her eyes in an act of feigned disinterest. “Get to the point.”
“I won’t claim to be virtuous, Miss Ackerman – I never do. Throughout this whole ordeal I was more than prepared to kill you if you weren’t who you seemed, and I was tempted to leave you dying in that burning house.” Erwin looked away and leaned forward, linking fingers from both hands underneath his chin. “But then, from Levi’s own bleeding mouth I found out who you truly were in the context of years ago…” He paused.
“Put these poor people out of their misery.”
Without warning, tears threatened to well within her eyes as memories of the fateful order surfaced. Though she had not been this saddened by the details for a long while, Mikasa knew her mind was still suffering emotional imbalance from her sudden revival, on top of all the revelations that had already been shared in the last five minutes.
Deep down, she knew it was about to get worse.
“I…apologize for your parents.” The man at the end of her bed finally spoke up again, conveying repentant words with an attitude completely contrary to his previous resignation.
She gasped, and the rapid motion led two streams of liquid to trail down her cheeks. “You actually…think I would accept that now?”
"Just listen to me, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin returned her stubborn stare with one of his own, though the arch of his thick brows indicated hidden guilt. “The truth is, both Levi and I knew you were present back then, standing not far from where your parents lay dying."
"…what?"
"You don’t remember, do you?" It was his turn to sigh. "Or…I imagine you simply could not hear what I whispered to Levi at that moment. Our real intentions.”
Against the even undercut of dark hair, Erwin leaned in to whispered indecipherable words before straightening once more.
“I…I don’t understand.” Mikasa attempted to process the moment as she remembered it. Since it was exactly as he just described, whisper and all, she felt unprecedented trepidation at what was coming next.
"Guns from the government troops were pointed in every direction, even towards you. We had to distract them via a drastic action that would refocus attention back to the two of us." Erwin continued retelling his side of the distressing experience. "Otherwise, you would be caught in the crossfire next. My own weapon had been lost in the scuffles prior, so I gave Levi that order and whispered to him that we had to protect you, a child, as priority."
Behind his blue eyes, Mikasa could tell that the tall man was envisioning her bedridden figure as her 9-year-old self – the same tearful, immobile, and fragile girl who failed to fathom comprehensive realities. She knew that even if these new disclosures were false, they seamlessly fit into her own recollections; Even if Erwin had spent the past month weaving up this elaborate excuse, a part of her still wanted to believe it so desperately – for such an explanation would at least pardon the man who pulled the trigger - the man she cared for - to some degree.
“Your parents were already beyond saving due to their wounds from the crossfire …so we both tried to use uncivilized methods to save you. In retrospect it was not wise, as you bore witness to the act, but something had to be done in the heat of the moment…and who would’ve thought that years later…”
My survival…in exchange for my parents’? Fate continues to deal me the card of irony, after all.
“No, these are all lies.” She found herself shaking her head, still unable to handle the enormous weight of the incessant explanations.
Ignoring her denial, Erwin continued his grievances. “All in all, it seems… we only pushed you into a life you were never meant to lead. We never expected the government to take custody of you right after you were orphaned, much less train you to be one of the most dangerous and most aloof…It’s no wonder we never knew your full name, or even gender, for all these years.” He shut both eyes, hindering her view of the ghosts that had begun to shadow their previously brilliant hues. “For that, I am…regretful.”
“Stop lying to me.” Mikasa’s plead was a borderline wail, a cry for everything to stop making sense in the most horrific way. There was little doubt that Levi knew he had been unjustly accused when she first revealed her victimized identity, and yet, submerged in guilt akin to Erwin’s, he had absorbed all blame and never gave her proper reason for his past actions.
"Perhaps I cannot convince you that what we did for you is the truth.” Erwin pressed onward, though more delicately now. “But I believe you already know this fact from reading the files Mr. Arlert acquired: that was the first and last time we had bystander casualties, and it was the last time The Legion ever attempted public assassination. We learned our lesson in the most detrimental way.”
Though it had been long since she last set eyes upon those incriminating documents, she remembered that being the case. That - and so many other details beyond what she thought the government was capable of hiding or manipulating.
“Miss Ackerman.” The firm usage of her name meant that Erwin required her full attention again. “Who do you think the real enemy is?”
Flashbacks of her training and all her past missions replayed in her mind, culminating in a film reel that held little substance beyond false pretenses. Now that her long-constructed veil of retaliation against Erwin and The Legion had been removed as her ultimate purpose, she could finally reevaluate her previous objectives with more clarity. I was nothing more than a brainwashed pawn, blindly heeding the orders of those actually responsible for this world’s demise…
“We may have been on opposing sides, but as both you and Mr. Arlert have now witnessed firsthand, we are no more your adversaries than the people you have served for so long.” As if reading her thoughts, the perceptive leader did not hesitate to drive further nails into the coffin of her past. “In fact, you could consider us…the lesser of two evils. Hanji for one is harmless - she would not hurt a fly unless under extreme provocation.”
“I…I recognized that about her already.” Mikasa thought of her conversation with the woman back at the teahouse, which had triggered her uncertainties in the first place. “But it was never about Hanji…you, and Levi…even if you were trying to protect me, you took away so, so much…”
“We can never substitute what you already lost.” As usual, no sugarcoating occurred in the older man’s words. “But perhaps I should tell you one final detail: when we extracted you both from Miss Lenz’ place that day, Levi was still conscious. It was then that he insisted on you being helped before himself…that’s why his treatment was delayed, and why he is still lingering between life and death.”
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
“He…” Her voice nearly broke at his sacrifice. The labyrinth, the praying mantis, it was all symbolic of reality, after all…
“Yes, he prioritized your life over his own, as he has apparently become so accustomed to doing.”
I just want you by my side, Mikasa. And if I ever do decide to leave the organization, I want you there with me.
Please, Mikasa…Let me keep you safe…from whatever is chasing after you.
She nearly sobbed aloud at Levi’s pledges from all those nights ago, each now dangling above an abyss of beautiful uncertainties that might never be fulfilled. In the end, you were always there, and you already kept me safe…from so much.
Sensing her growing acceptance of trying facts, Erwin reluctantly shifted closer, eventually gathering one of her limp hands in his. “But keep in mind…you saved him in many ways as well, from what I could witness.” He served a reminder of her pivotal role. “And for that I – and I’m sure Levi – will always be grateful. I personally don’t feel compelled to fully trust you just yet, but I will never deny how much you’ve changed him, even in such a short period of time.”
A stinging jolt infiltrated Mikasa’s soul as she reminisced upon all that they had shared, from initial tension to fervent passion to heartbreaking resolution. Somewhere during all her years of existence, she had lost herself beneath the bloodiest of shrouds, but Levi had stormed into its confines and unraveled the crimson threads to set her free, just as how lingering thoughts of him had aided her recent escape from her own mind’s maze. They might never get past the initial tragedy that linked their fates, but at least she could recognize that ultimately, they truly fulfilled one another wherever gaping holes had been left. Despite his own tormenting experiences he built, thirsted for their connection – and for her sake he had given all of himself in the process.
“Do you still possess the desire to kill him? Or me, for that matter?” Erwin’s serious inquiry prodded at the edges of her psyche. She suddenly conjured upon a vision of her parents again, both calling for her name as they usually did in her visions – only this time, it was not for the sake of dinner, but the sake of her future.
Mikasa…live on.
She watched Erwin with intensity, scrutinizing the idea that this unyielding man had given her both unimaginable suffering and – indirectly - exceptional joy. She didn’t know if there was truly a concept as that necessary balance of the universe, but with thoughts of her parents’ ultimate request, she managed to swallow what still remained of her previous misgivings.
“No. Even on the night when we were shot, I already made a decision to stand down.”
Whatever clouded Erwin’s eyes seemed to dissipate in a second. “Oh?”
“I still resent you for giving the order, but…” Her voice remained peppered with bitterness, though she permitted clemency to dominate her tone. “…perhaps vengeance is only a vicious cycle, and a fruitless one as well, in this case.”
A hint of a relieved smile surfaced upon Erwin’s face, and the hand that had already surrounded hers was joined by his other one as he proceeded to affirm more verdicts. “Whatever our personal reservations are from now on, I will always feel indebted to you for the loss I was responsible for.” He balled her fingers together almost protectively. “So even though you caused us great stress as a government agent in the past, I am willing to help you. And perhaps…we can somehow reinstate complete trust in the process.”
The proposal rendered Mikasa speechless for a moment, as she hadn’t expected him to act as a father figure so swiftly and decisively. So this is why Levi respects you so much. She mused, and the thought of him inspired her to provide her own conditions.
“Let me see Levi.” She shook the handcuffs still connected to her other wrist. “And I will agree to try your terms.”
Erwin gave pause before reaching into the left pocket of his trousers, no doubt to retrieve the keys that would detach her restraints. “I can tell that you genuinely care about him, Miss Ackerman, but - do you…understand him?”
She scoffed.
“Mr. Smith, I am probably the only one in this whole damn world who understands him.”
—
With Hanji at her side to assist her balance, Mikasa shifted gradually down the spotless corridor, one hand gripping the cool metal pole of the IV stand that shadowed her path. Her muscles remained in varied levels of atrophy, and hence even the most miniscule movements required her utmost effort. The ground below each step felt as if it had been comprised of pins and needles instead of linoleum, instigating numbing pain that bud from the bottom of her feet and blossomed at the nape of her neck, forcing her teeth to clench in the process. Against all medical advice she had insisted on going to Levi as soon as possible, and though the journey proved to be excruciating, her stubbornness inched her forward.
The test of her endurance continued for another few minutes before they finally arrived at a locked, beige door. Hanji leaned to insert her key into the only aperture that separated them from within, but prior to permitting entrance, she turned towards her utter a final warning.
“I need you to be mentally prepared for what you are about to see.”
Mikasa nodded, though weakly. “I’m sure I have seen worse.”
The door was pushed ajar, and she rounded the corner in the same hurried manner as she had done in the labyrinth, right before encountering his supernatural form. This time, however, Levi had not stood there in waiting, and nor would he greet her – or even notice her.
The beeping of the heart monitor and the resonances of pressurized air were only faint afterthoughts as Mikasa faced the troubling sight just meters ahead. Her dried throat only became more parched as she perceived the assembly of tubes and patches that invaded the body she had memorized so well. Pale blankets and a gown similar to her own covered the rest of him, concealing both healing flesh and withering muscle. For a moment, she imagined the eagle upon his arm to be hibernating as well, fatigued by all it had confronted and waiting for its owner to awaken before taking flight again.
Leaning against Hanji for purchase, she stepped into the room and closed the space between them little by little. Beneath the clear material of Levi’s respirator she could slowly make out his distinct profile, with the pointed nose that had exhaled wisps of desire against her skin, and those lips that had convinced her to abandon all reason time and again. She longed to kiss him, to breathe some life back into this mute husk, but both of his features were now jailed within plastic, barricaded from her touch at the cost of keeping all his systems functioning.
As she finally came within tangible distance, Hanji left her side to collect a chair that had been at the room’s corner. Centering her weight at the balls of her feet, Mikasa knelt down in that brief moment, and nimble fingers instinctively reached for his. She could detect the rise and fall of his chest, a series of patterned movements that were too robotic to represent his authentic spirit. Despite the visible stubble lining his jaw, his fragility transformed him into a younger self, still harboring the ghosts of his past in the dip of his brow and endless qualms between every assisted breath.
Levi… She brought his frigid hand to her lips and blessed it the only way she could, being careful to not disturb all the contraptions connected to his flesh.
You and I…it was never a façade.
Hanji returned with the chair and proceeded to assist her into it. All the while, she did not let go of her grip on him.
“He made his own choices, you know.” The brunette stated with sympathy. “It has been a while since he had the luxury to do that, even if it led him to…this unfortunate point.”
She drew his hand into her lap, tracing the lines of his palm in a hapless search of any scars from the imaginary praying mantis. “I feel as if…we cursed each other’s fates ever since we were younger.”
“No.” Hanji positioned herself behind the chair and smoothed the back collar of her gown in the most maternal way. “Your paths, as difficult as they were, eventually united you and opened your eyes again to something better.”
“Is this…really ’something better,’ Ms. Zoe?” She murmured, allowing her gaze to examine Levi from head-to-toe again before landing upon her own injured body.
“Do you remember our last conversation, Miss Mikasa?” Unlike Erwin, Hanji preferred to address her by her first name, as it was the first moniker she knew. “I had warned you that if anyone betrayed him, he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt them back. But you were different…you were always the exception, and not just because of what he did years ago – he wanted to shield you even before he discovered that detail.”
The sobering reminder led Mikasa to stop tracing Levi’s palm and grip his entire hand protectively.
“After all was revealed, Levi still chose you above everything else, even himself.” Above her, Hanji’s proclamations continued. “People in this world perish every second without understanding such sacrifice…without giving…much less experiencing love anywhere close to that level.”
Love. Something swelled within Mikasa at the candid mention of the word. He had only confessed the word once in the midst of his own distress, but she remembered all the small and significant instances where he demonstrated it via action. She had always reciprocated with reluctance, but just as how her tongue had uttered her feelings so carelessly – no – so truthfully that one blissful time, she knew that Levi had already snuck into all the atriums of her heart ever since they exchanged their first glance. From shared conversations to perilous duels, their pulses had begun to beat in tandem at every possible second. Only now, she was left with nothing but the mechanical sounds that failed to correlate with any modicum of herself. Love—she lifted his fingers to her lips once more. Oh Levi, how I wish I could say that to you again this very moment…
At some point, Hanji had backed away to give her some space, and her voice now resonated from closer to the doorway. “I know there is a lot to remember and digest…just don’t forget that you probably saved his life as well when you tried to stop the bleeding.” She paid tribute to what was perhaps Mikasa’s most critical action of all. “But as Erwin may have told you already, after that much blood loss and trauma, we just…don’t know when he will wake up again.”
The praying mantis was trying to wake me up…to bring me home. But it’s not my time.
Go home, Mikasa. Don’t wait for me.
“If Levi ever does come back, and I’m no longer here…” With his words still echoing against her mind, she disclosed her final request. “Will you tell him something for me?”
“No longer here?” Surprise saturated Hanji’s voice from behind. “Will you be leaving us?”
“Now that I know the full story, I realized that my parents would’ve wanted me to live on, to find myself beyond seeking vengeance for them.” She paused and extended an arm towards the bed, gently brushing a few strands of hair from Levi’s forehead. “If Levi loves me, he would feel the same…he would not want me to wait here for him and fade under unsubstantiated hopes.”
“Mm, yes…I can’t say that I disagree.”
“I still may return.” Mikasa stretched her entire body towards him this time, hovering her face above his as she spoke. “I just…need some time to figure things out.”
With the utmost tenderness, her quivering lips found the spot her fingers had just caressed, and she inscribed the contact into her memory forevermore.
“So, Ms. Zoe – will you let him know something for me?” She leaned back again after what seemed like eternity, turning towards Hanji to repeat her wish.
Behind reflective lenses, something fluid glinted within the woman’s eyes. “Cer…certainly.”
“Tell him that I always meant what I said in my own language.” Mikasa smiled openly for the first time since her awakening. “Levi will understand.”
—
One year and two months later
Standing at the middle of the courtyard in a rose cardigan and a billowing white dress, Mikasa concentrated all energy fully at the center of her body, while her mental focus channeled only the most significant of sounds through her senses. The katana in her grip remained as motionless as the rest of her, with its blade not giving off the slightest hint of trembling. The light refracting off the polished metal occasionally fell upon three ceramic plates, all resting at equal distance from her on the ground. As usual, she ignored the dozens of tiny heads perched upon the surrounding windowsills, with each pair of eyes curiously watching the scene. The occasional demands to hush that came from the most obedient mouths, however, almost made her beam with amusement.
“Now!” A command suddenly roared from her right side.
Snapping her eyes open, Mikasa swung her arm in premeditated patterns at the air in front of her position, with each strike fixated upon the array of apples, oranges, and pears that continued to appear in her attack range. Before long, the newly-sliced pieces of fruit fell victim and landed at the direct center of the plates below, with all the juicy portions cut into nearly identical shapes.
“Snack time, everyone!” From where the previous instruction had sounded, a short woman with dirty blonde hair emerged and announced with merriment.
“Wahhhh!” The audience of children cheered, and countless little feet began to rush into the courtyard at exceptional speed. Before anyone reached her vicinity, Mikasa swiftly sheathed her weapon and secured it on her back again, just in case any wayward hands tried to grab for it in the ensuing moments. Before long, the first set of kids surrounded her legs, applauding and clamoring in a way that brought a genuine grin to her face.
“How did you do that???”
“That was soooo cool!!”
Even the snacks had been momentarily forgotten as squeaking voices openly declared their admiration for her recent actions. Only when the other young female around her age pointed out that the fruits were nearly gone did Mikasa’s dedicated fanbase finally scatter about.
Chuckling, she left the kids with their fresh grub and walked towards her approaching colleague. “Thank you for the help, Rico.”
“Of course.” The woman named Rico proudly pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “They always love it when you perform this, so I selfishly want to join in the fun.”
“Whatever brightens all their little faces makes my day, too.” Mikasa glanced back at the children quickly, collecting one last bit of the usual warmth that spread from their infectious joy. “I’m going to go clean the blade now.”
“Alright, I’m going to wash all the plates once they’re done. See you later, Karula.”
Even with the pseudonym being attached to her new identity for so long, Mikasa paused before acknowledging the farewell.
With light footsteps, she returned under the roof of the building that she had called home for the past year. The pastel paint colors lining the walls of the Trost Orphanage were a constant comfort in her current days, and her temporary position as caretaker – a complete departure from her previous lifestyle – provided the stability and psychological healing that Mikasa had always needed. Surrounded by so many who nearly suffered due to circumstances similar to her own childhood, she felt substantial solace in being able to return happiness into the innocent, glittering eyes that now entrusted her as guardian. All in all, Hanji had been wise in assigning her to this place as a transitory refuge, especially as The Legion oversaw its security and kept it far beneath the malevolent radar of their enemies.
Nevertheless, Mikasa continued a training regimen that prepared her for whatever might lie ahead, and every morning she woke up at ungodly hours to maintain the same strength and discipline routine that she had become accustomed to as an agent.
If you ever have the desire again, you can return to the field as an operative for us. Erwin’s words from just before they parted ways constantly lingered in her mind. But for now, think of the orphanage as your rehabilitation, for as long as you need.
Armin paid her occasional visits whenever he was able, each time bringing more tales of life under his own pseudonym and of his work under Hanji’s supervision. Though they both treaded carefully in their daily practices, they also shared the sentiment that despite being in hiding, more freedom actually existed in this new livelihood.
Every night, Mikasa’s dreams were no longer of horror but of Levi’s embrace – those constant echoes of when they forfeited all supposed falsehoods and dove into the truth that was one another. Prior to her official departure from The Legion’s headquarters, she had stayed with him as much as possible. But as the date of her orphanage transfer approached the visits also became less frequent, since she knew she could not bear the heartache of leaving him for that indefinite amount of time. She was determined to progress in her new path, one that would inevitably sever their likely ill-fated relationship and allow her to somehow move on. Unfortunately, even when distance finally separated them, the thoughts and memories of him pursued her relentlessly, emptying their most fervent incarnations into her subconscious.
Sometimes, those phantom touches in her dreamscapes managed to haunt her more than past nightmares.
Whenever her morning training concluded and the younger residents of the orphanage awakened, however, Mikasa’s smiles always became genuine again. She allowed them to crowd around her, babbling on about the new wonderments and discoveries of the day. They would then sit within makeshift circles on the dining room floor, and she poured each child his or her own cup of warm tea as she digested every word, sometimes even attempting to respond.
No matter how dated the leaves were, she found that the resulting drink always remained deliciously sweet when she savored it with them. At every turn, the sight of the kids’ carefree faces restored the missing parts of herself that had been lost to most previous quests of rediscovery. And every moment shared in their presence brought her meditative peace only the most fortunate in their world could experience.
During those periods, she found that she could finally drive Levi, in all his flawed splendor, from the edges of her mind.
So the days progressed in animated harmony, often highlighted by the endless instances of laughter bouncing off periwinkle gates and magenta walls.
But on this particular late afternoon, Mikasa could sense that something different lingered in the air. It was a day when the sun shone with extraordinary radiance – Hanji and Armin’s joint experiments against pollution had become more and more successful in the recent months – but she knew it wasn’t the extra saturation of color all around her that inspired such anxiousness.
As she departed the storage room, leaving her now-clean weapon locked in a personal cabinet, another caretaker by the name of Sasha waved for her from the end of the hall.
“Karula!” The young woman’s ponytail swung like a rhythmic pendulum, rocking back and forth at the same rate as her arm’s movements. “You have a visitor.”
Mikasa wrinkled her forehead in confusion, though she immediately headed towards the waiting area. “Armin again? But he just came two days ago…”
“No, it’s not him. And wrong way, actually.” Sasha corrected from afar. “He’s in your room right now – Hanji sent word in advance that he is another old friend of yours.”
Shards of anticipation suddenly scratched at her every nerve, prompting her legs to dash in the fateful direction leading to renewed hopes. It can’t be…can it?
There was little dramatic pausing in front of her own door – from the evening at Krista’s, she recognized that locks and hesitation only shortened what precious little time they had all been bestowed in this world - and so her hands gripped the knob as soon as it came within reachable distance. A hurried twist upon brass, and the final barrier gave way to a sight Mikasa never imagined she could witness again.
“Karula is a beautiful name.” Bathed in the warm hues of the afternoon sun, the figure sitting at the edge of her bed spoke with subdued amusement as he looked out her window. “But I must say I still prefer the other one.”
From her vantage point, little had changed about him other than the slightly more defined angle of his jaw. Everything else, from the length of his black blazer to the folds of his cravat, remained just as she remembered. The onyx lengths of his hair hung in that same faultless distribution, spreading uniformly from the middle of his scalp and ending at his undercut.
“Levi…” The sands in her hourglass finally began to trickle again as her heart tumbled. “When did you…?”
“About four months ago.”
Levi stood as he delivered the surprising response, hooking both thumbs into the pockets of his trousers in a firm stance. Just as Mikasa’s bewilderment began to surface, he turned his head, allowing a full view of the rich shades of blue that had been relegated to her memories alone. With each passing second, the magnetism between them stirred amidst surges of tension, seemingly even more powerful after at least a year of lying dormant.
“Erwin ordered everyone to keep my recovery secret, since I needed to establish a new identity.” His tone bore hints of frustration, indicating that the process had been a struggle. “He also refused to tell me where you had disappeared to…but Hanji could never hold up such ridiculous charades for very long.”
Attempting to keep herself under control, she took a careful, almost undetectable step towards him. “They probably…just wanted you to focus on your rehab.”
“It didn’t exactly work, though I still managed fine.” Levi mimicked her movement ever so slightly. “But knowing that you were out here where I couldn’t be yet…made the past four months absolute hell.”
The statement pricked at Mikasa’s own heart, for she understood all too well what that oblivion felt like when it came to his previously unknown fate. Coincidentally, the outside world brought hints of the pending night through her window at that very moment, providing an indirect illustration of where his toils had taken him. The newly formed shadows in the room now obscured Levi’s features, and, with another hesitant step forward, he spoke of more ominous notions that she had almost forgotten to consider.
“Mikasa…” Though those fatigued eyes did not avert from hers, she could detect his labored refusal to touch her, “Know that you still have me at your disposal…to complete your vengeance, however you deem appropriate.”
The reminder dimmed Mikasa’s mounting elation of their reunion, and she thought back to when she had first openly professed her decision while still confined to The Legion’s infirmary bed. Erwin must have wanted him to hear things from my mouth, rather than be the messenger.
“I’m finished with revenge and nightmares, Levi.” Almost impassively, she reiterated her choice from a year ago, though she concealed the fact that it had already been made in Krista’s guest room, and then again at his headquarters. “I’m not going to use your life as a bargaining chip any longer.”
Something gleamed in Levi’s gaze, as if unexpected hope had been reinstated. “Then forgive me, Mikasa Ackerman.” He took a third, larger step in her direction. “For your parents. For all those lost years.”
His nearing proximity, combined with that earnest plead, both shattered and healed all the remnant brittle parts of her existence. “And what do you offer me in return?”
“Only the shell that is myself.” The arm bearing his concealed eagle tattoo lifted, as if inviting her to take flight alongside it. “For all the years still to come.”
The promise of their better future elevated her like the most potent of gusts, while leaving nearly every worry or doubt back in the chasm that would never engulf her again. However, Mikasa understood that the vision was far too idyllic - that no matter what, the realism behind their circumstances would not take mere words to resolve. Inhaling a deep breath, she declared the vital truth plaguing her heart, knowing that her honesty would haunt them both in the most severe manner.
“I’m afraid…that I cannot accept.”
“…what?” His response was nothing short of jarring.
“I…”
“Hanji told me what you said the day you came to visit me for the first time.” He drew memories from another sector of his mind, as reservations had evidently invaded everywhere else due to her rejection. “Do you…no longer still feel the same way?”
“I’ve thought much about things over the past year. Though I won’t carry out retribution any longer, and though what Ms. Zoe told you still remains true…genuine forgiveness will not happen today, either, Levi.” She gave great pause before continuing. “In fact, it may never happen.”
The outpouring of pain in his eyes was beyond difficult to ignore now, but Mikasa forced herself to withstand the sight. For months she had waited to divulge all these certainties, without knowing if there would even be the opportunity to do so. And now, as she faced him at last, it took every ounce of her resolve to speak her peace.
“The fact that you dealt the final blow to the two people I loved the most will always hover above us. That tragic detail will never, ever change.” Her own voice threatened to quiver at every syllable. “No matter how much my heart wants to follow you to the ends of the earth, we will…always be divided by that insurmountable wall.”
Just as his stoic façade began to crumble at those final, bleak statements, she quickly took the hand that had extended towards her, supporting him from the imminent descent into further turmoil.
“But…thank you, Levi.” With eyes now shut, she lifted his fingers to her lips, ensuring that their first contact in ages would end up being the most affectionate of all. “You took a part of my life away, yet you somehow returned much, much more back to me in the short time that we shared.”
The shift in her outlook prompted Levi to release a long-held breath, and even through her temporal blindness she could feel his posture relax again. He stood there now with slackened limbs, permitting her to grant restoration in the form of kisses along the bumps of his knuckle.
“So will you offer me time, on top of yourself?” Mikasa gave her clause as soon as she reached the edge of his skin, lashes half-hooding an uncertain stare at his dangling cravat. “Will you wait for the day that this divide may finally crumble, and I can look at you again as just Levi - nothing more? Even if…that day never comes?”
He flipped his hand over then, removing it gently from her grasp, and two fingers traveled to the point of her chin. She recalled that it was the same pair that had made contact on the night of their tea and conversation, and the tips now touched her again in a similar manner – though this time with impossible tenderness.
“You and I both know that day will come.” His words appeared to possess enough confidence for them both. “I will use the strength you gave me to climb all that separates us still. Whatever it takes.”
The deluge of her emotions swelled over every ounce of self-control then, and with a sob she threw herself towards him, initiating that perfect reconciliation of all the possibilities that had almost been seized from them both. His torso welcomed her with its comforting expanse, absorbing the fervor ignited by their eventual collision, and the shield engraved in his back finally returned to serve as her shelter.
“Then I will do the same on my end.” She verbally signed their pact against his shoulder. “You will never be alone in this quest, even if I’m not there next to you…remember that.”
“You seem even stronger now, Mikasa. Even though parts of you have softened.” Declaring his new discoveries like the children she looked after, he brushed the same knuckle she had kissed along her slender neck, eventually tangling fingertips into the curtain of tresses now tickling his collarbone. His other hand hovered around her wound that had almost proved fatal, now pressed closely against his own. “We even have similar scars…”
At those words, Mikasa’s grip upon his back tightened, and he spoke no more of the horrors that ironically formed yet another bond between them. Instead, they stood in place for what seemed like epochs, sealed together in that long overdue embrace. Only when he leaned back to place a kiss to her cheek did distance come between them again, and when thin lips finally slanted against hers she responded with zeal, allowing the physical connection to speak vows that had always eluded them both. You’re exactly what I need. Heal us. Come with me. Even all their past declarations amounted to so little in comparison to this consummation, through which all the walls of the labyrinth disintegrated, replaced outright by the utopia that only housed their most pleasant dreams.
Before they mutually perished from a lack of breath, he tentatively detached their mouths. Nevertheless, all the rest of them remained in flushed contact, forming the illusion of a single entity dwelling in her darkening room.
“So is this good bye? For now?” Settling his forehead into hers, he whispered the foreseeable circumstance.
She reached in to steal an additional kiss. “Just…for now.”
With a sigh, Levi unwound himself from her, and though she mourned the loss of his warmth, she knew that their next reunion would likely make up for it hundredfold. When he stepped aside to head in the direction of the door she did not stop him, but she also did not deny his concluding reach for her hand.
“Come back to me…when you feel like you are ready again.” His thumb ran over the sheathed tendons one by one as he urged from behind.
“I shall.” She spoke into the shadows that they both had traveled in for far too many years, and the last lingering rays of dusk became the interim beacon towards the paths resting ahead, now entirely lit with their faith in each other. “We still have battles left to fight in this world…and I already know the only one I want by my side if we must draw weapons…draw blood once more.”
Levi scoffed gently in response. “We will make everything beautiful again, somehow.”
After a final clutch, he terminated their contact and journeyed onward. But just as he crossed the threshold, Mikasa felt herself spin, for she recalled one more thing that he so deserved after all they had gone through. Her sudden movement prompted him to suspend his steps and turn around, regarding her with fond curiosity.
“Levi.” Words fell from her mouth in an intimate refrain, as if she had already recited them for a thousand previous lifetimes. “Aishiteru.”
He smiled back with an unprecedented brilliance that rivaled the sun of her youth, and the budding joy laid the first beautiful building block in the reconstruction of their story.
“Aishiteru, Mikasa.”
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Chapter VII – End
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Fukushuu – Fin
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A/N: And…it’s done! Thank you so, so much for following along since the prologue! You have no idea how much I have been overwhelmed by the support for Fukushuu. My very early contact with the RivaMika ship (And the two characters individually) inspired this idea, and through writing it as well as other pieces in-between, the story pulled me further and further into the brilliant spiral that is this fandom.
The ending actually changed about six or seven times. I originally had just Levi die, then I had both of them die, with Armin narrating at the end (Yahhhhh I’m sure that would’ve put me in good graces with all you readers out there, LOL)…then just Levi perishing again, then neither, then Mikasa…there were so many alternatives that I didn’t know which to decide on. But when I did a recent read-through of all the previous chapters again, I realized that it would be most cruel and unusual to kill either of them – because they suffered so much both in canon and in this universe, and thus they deserved at least a little bit of happiness. So I left it a little ambiguous here…which was probably the most appropriate since (In all honesty) it’s actually impossible for them to restart with a clean slate when “fukushuu” was what tied them together intrinsically. However, if you really want to know what I envision for them in the future: I see them back together, fighting side-by-side in the field and eventually toppling the government (Because they’re just too brilliant and awesome for words…and because I also wish for this to happen in canon). Most importantly, they continue to love one another both perfectly and imperfectly, since that embodies the reality of any relationship. All that is going to be left up to everyone’s imagination, though, because unless something significant occurs, this marks the end of the Fukushuu universe writing-wise for me! Thank you again for reading – please reply or message me with your final sentiments!!! :)
P.S. Yes, Mikasa became a Fruit Ninja. SUE ME.
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