Attack on titan - Shingeki no kyojin fanfic Fukushuu chapter VI

Chapter VI
—
The dreary dawn shone its lukewarm light upon her shrunken figure, marking the third hour since Mikasa sat with sullen disposition at the corner of her room. Trembling fingers stirred over the short sword held tightly within her hands, tracing along its sharpened side with just enough delicacy to not break her own skin. She had been close to taking Levi’s life with it just nights ago, and he had retaliated soon after with the same weapon held beneath obscure threats. As if predestined, the blade existed solely as a symbol of how their tragedy began, and how it might very well conclude.
As winds began to cruise through her unkempt space, extending their usual morning greeting to her, she was only again reminded of how piercingly frigid every gust against skin proved to be. Extinguished were the heated kisses that had incensed the innermost confines of her soul, fueling her heartbeats against further coagulation. But with all suggestions of passion hardening once more, Mikasa’s thoughts returned into those memories of uncompromising self-denial, where for a decade she extracted blood, sweat, and tears from her own body for the sake of one despondent goal.
Yet again, in the midst of it all was a semblance of Levi, exalting her with every touch as he whispered pledges of their vivid future.
Come with me, Mikasa.
Kill me, Mikasa.
I will kill you, Mikasa.
The sword clattered upon the floor, and she rapidly found herself trapped in a malevolent labyrinth, blindly struggling on footpaths towards a pair of inevitable misfortunes. With each faltering step she only recognized the harrowing certainties even further, and so she fell in place, a dried mouth blasting curses at the pitiless hand of fate. Her arms lacked their usual strength as she tucked palms underneath opposing elbows, cradling the debris of her own fragmented spirit against an even more trodden heart.
“Father…mother…” Her own voice was mutilated by the serrated edge of hopelessness. “What…what should I do?”
Before any unfeasible response arose, an utterance of her own name snatched her from the maze of calamity.
“Mikasa…Mika…”
Behind her door came the pained chant, its rasp as haunting as the most disturbed of ghosts. Had she been anyone else she would’ve wailed in horror, yet there was a strange familiarity in the inflection. Thus, against every sensible logic she crawled towards the noise, summoning her last dose of courage with the belief that whatever answers she sought did indeed exist on the other side.
The startling sight of a bloodied Armin, however, put that hope to a troubled rest.
“Ar…Armin? What are you—” Mikasa’s mind attempted a myriad of failed comprehensions at her comrade’s kneeled collapse against her door. The right side of his face and a limp right arm were partially drenched in crimson, while his left clutched upon a stack of papers with purpose.
“ARMIN! What…what happened?”
“It’s just…a surface head wound……I…I was ambushed when I tried to sneak away from mission control…” The young man somehow managed to gasp out two full sentences as she hauled him inside with her leftover strength, all of her own burdens promptly forgotten. The necessary embrace for the movement immediately blemished her robe in the same blood, painting stains that disturbed her to an extra degree, considering the source. But with respect to Armin’s condition she endured, and she set him down upon the floor using extreme care before running back to both lock the door and search for bandages.
“Wh…why were you ambushed? Why were you sneaking away?” She rummaged through her wardrobe with a lack of concentration, for she feared whatever words might come next.
“I did some digging on them, Mikasa…” Armin divulged between harsh breaths. “After our conversation yesterday… my curiosity refused to stop. I can’t tell you everything now…but you must go. I killed the video surveillance feed to the teahouse completely and knocked out the two agents who tried to capture me, but more are probably on their way here to find both of us since this is still most likely where I escaped to. I just knew the shortcut…”
Them. Coldness crept up her spine at the mention of such unknowns. “What…who…”
A strained silence passed before the inevitable words came, and blue eyes shut tightly with the admittance of a ghastly truth.
“Our…bosses…”
Though she had almost anticipated such an ominous state of affairs, the shock nonetheless propelled Mikasa move back towards Armin’s lying form, a tangled bunch of bandages and a towel gripped within now clammy palms. Despite copious attempts, her neurons failed to link the morsels of reality together into a comprehensive idea, but she remained as calm as possible in order to properly clean Armin’s face and dress his head wound. By the time she knelt next to him again, shaking hands nearly unable to begin the process, her lips could only pronounce a single name.
“Han…Hannes??” She barely recognized her own voice as she pressed gauze against the long gash running across Armin’s scalp.
“No…Director Hannes has also gone missing.” The report was one of both relief and disturbance. “I…I fear the worst.”
The effort to stop his bleeding now continued at a stressed pace, for each new disclosure only troubled Mikasa’s mentality to more paramount levels. Deep within, she knew the answers to such conspiracies likely rested in the government officials who had granted her staunch promises all those years ago, yet she could no longer recall a single face or name from that fateful day. A permanent mosaic distributed itself over that particular memory, overlaying an intentional blur across paths that should’ve never become options in the first place. She had been so young – and in retrospect, so naïve.
“Don’t worry about me…” Armin’s free hand suddenly darted upward to halt her actions. “You must go now Mikasa…you must…”
“This is crazy, Armin.” She detached his weak grasp and repositioned the hand to his side, being careful to not exert too much force. “What…how…?”
“If you still don’t believe me…” The young man’s other arm shifted with struggle, though the miniscule movement itself managed to draw her attention back to the clutched papers. “Look at this directive on the top page…just a taste of all that I came across last night…you can read the rest later…”
She carefully removed the page from its confines, eyes immediately taking notice of the familiar font of the Squad computers’ outputs and the hazardously pinned photo of herself at the corner. With apprehension and an almost robotic voice, she proceeded to narrate the contents printed upon the sullied surface.
“Subject will be at high risk of defection by the end of the current operations. Hence, new objective to eliminate subject…shall initiate after subject completes her mission.”
High risk of defection? Eliminate—?
There was only numbness as she witnessed Armin’s hand reached for her again, wanting to provide reassurance in the midst of an evident distress. He exercised caution in his subsequent tone as to not alarm her even further, though there was now no tangible method to deny the burden of threats upon them both.
“They were fully prepared to kill you after all this finished, Mikasa…” The paraphrase stabbed against the margins of her psyche, inducing it to bleed realization where there was previously mere disbelief. “You…their strongest agent.”
Years of tutelage and self-discipline suddenly morph into worthless apparitions, each exposed by the dissipating smokescreen of oaths now proven false. Never had she possessed authority over her own destiny – she was merely another pawn in a dangerous game between factions, ready to be forfeited once she served her ultimate purpose. Anguish burned within her at the betrayal, annexing yet another layer of mayhem on top of her existing struggle.
“And all this classified data that you haven’t yet seen…they reveal that those at our level have been spoon-fed many lies about The Legion.” Armin shook the rest of the papers lightly, though the action by no means hinted at any light reading ahead. “I have no idea for how long this went on…”
The additional news shook her to the core, and with a tinge of hope, she made one last attempt at recovering details surrounding her parents’ death that she may have overlooked or neglected – a singular hint that maybe, just maybe her mind had been muddled from the get go. But no matter her efforts, those recently completed memories remained intact, with the face she could no longer bear seeing again at the conclusion of it all.
“Mikasa, you must run.” The advice from below snapped her back into the present. “It’s only…a matter of time before they get here.”
“I’m not leaving without you, Armin.” With firm eyes she glared downward, fully acknowledging that he might be the only person she could possibly trust at this point. The more Mikasa observed Armin’s vulnerable state, the more she discovered that it, along with this recent ire, somehow only spurred her on further, since the desire to protect him gave her rekindled purpose when everything else had just been stripped away. The pungent smell of blood might not be expelled from this room for a long while, but there was finally solace in its existence, for it provided the decisive push to abandon all that she knew.
With determination, she stood and scurried across her quarters, gathering everything from necessities to incriminating items – the short sword being an item that belonged in both categories - into the large duffel she stored for convenience. Every movement was another step upon the journey towards endless ambiguities, but Mikasa found that she would rather face those than remain embroiled within any more scuffles. Once she packed the bag to the brim – all whilst not caring for the induced disarray of her room – she returned to her comrade.

“Sit up, Armin.” After lifting his form with caution, she draped a long, navy robe across the young man’s shoulders before tying it closed at the back, concealing most hints of the remnant bloodstains upon his uniform. The large handkerchief she found at the bottom of one drawer then went around his bandaged head, returning him to the look of a regular citizen, albeit much more strangely dressed. Before long, Mikasa was donned in a similar outfit herself, but as she finished knotting her own headgear, she spied their likenesses in the mirror and cursed under her breath. Even with her best efforts at finding more ordinary clothing, they would still stand out far too much on the outside streets.
“We’re in great danger of being recognized even with these disguises.” She sighed with concern. “Any more ideas?”
“I…I know someone who lives not far from here.” Armin stated after a moment of thought. “I helped her cousin go into hiding during one of my recent assignments, and she had her own name and address changed, too. We can probably find shelter there…temporarily.”
Mikasa nodded and turned away from their foreboding reflections. “That will have to do.” With pure physical strength, she assisted Armin to his feet again, marking the beginning of what would no doubt be a challenging voyage. “Hang in there.”
—
Mikasa’s first order of business was to trip the secret lock upon her door as they departed, in hopes of buying them precious time in the event of any actual government intrusion. The early hours and the ongoing slumber of the other teahouse tenants permitted their discreet exit, though she still strained between hauling the duffel and maintaining Armin’s wavering balance. Across cobblestoned paths they stumbled together, hearts as heavy as each synchronized footstep. It took extra energy for her to enact those fateful strides over the wooden gate’s threshold, and even as they landed upon the other side of the wall, her eyes glanced back towards what she was about to leave behind.
Levi…
She shook her head vigorously.
We will have to finish this another time.
An ominous fog enveloped the area just outside of the teahouse, limiting their visibility as their journey continued down the side of the main road. Via her heightened senses Mikasa could detect the weary movements of shop owners and street vendors, many of whom threw curious glances at the two of them as preparations for another hapless day’s work ensued. She was thankful that there did not seem to be thugs or others seeking to take advantage of their situation, but she knew those thanks might not last for long. So she focused all attention on their current state instead of on the troubling circumstances she had just fled from, though perhaps only temporarily.
To their luck, even after what seemed like hours of following Armin’s pointed directions no unfortunate incident befell them. However, as they turned into another smaller side street, the young man suddenly gasped in her arms.
“Shit…” He gave a rare curse as he patted his collar and chest. “My listening device…I brought it so we could still spy on internal comms, but I might’ve left it back in your room.”
“There is no time to go back now.” She carefully unclasped a hand from Armin’s waist and reached into her pack, using her fingers to seek out and pull upon the tangled wires stuffed near the front. “And I brought mine, we can use it.”
Armin sighed with relief and separated himself to lean against a building wall. “Then see what you can hear from mine…make sure it isn’t discovered any time soon…”
With a nod she removed the device completely to place it within her ear, setting the channel to retrieve whatever signal still remained from Armin’s own. There was only static silence for a long while, and thus she shook her head and motioned for both of them to keep going, though she kept listening as a precaution.
“We…we’re almost there.” Armin assured as he returned to her side. “Maybe five more minutes.”
The alleviating update seemed to lift some weight off of both their shoulders, and Mikasa felt her pace quicken at nearly twice the speed as the possibility of shelter loomed closer. The greyish mists enveloping their surroundings also appeared to disperse, restoring indefinite hopes with views of clarity towards these final steps.
Lifting a weak finger, Armin pointed towards a nondescript brown door flanked by ruddy bricks and grey windowsills. Just as they moved close enough to reach for the doorbell, however, faint noises sounded within Mikasa’s ear.
“Wa…wait.” She paused mid-step, one hand flying up to press against the listening device for better volume. Sensing that the detected activity is probably not what they desired at that moment, Armin froze as well, eyes fully alert as they watched her with anxiety.
“Someone’s knocking…no, I think pounding on the door to my room.” Mikasa described the thumps that both alternated and combined with the voice, which was becoming louder and louder by the second. As soon as the source became recognizable, she stifled a gasp and tried to conceal it with a couple of quick, deep breaths.
Levi.
 “—kasa! Mikasa!” An evident distress pervaded each of his words. “Why the fuck are there blood trails outside of your room…”
Shit, we didn’t think to clean everything outside. The worry only lingered for a moment before her thoughts shifted to the amount of concern that was just expressed on her behalf – a truth that rained acid upon her heart. Even through all that had occurred barely twelve hours ago between them, he was nonetheless the first one to rush to her side. If we were still in the room, would I have been prepared to kill you? Her mind raced with the scenario and its possible consequences, though no fulfilling resolution manifested no matter which decision prevailed.
“Sir Levi?” Another familiar voice became loud enough for Armin’s microphone to isolate, though it was much more exhausted than usual. “What is happening?”
“I should ask you, Ymir.” Levi took little pity upon the owner’s fatigue, choosing instead to emphasize her ignorance. “Look at this blood trail leading from the garden all the way to her door.”
“What??” The unsettling discovery seemed to strike Ymir into full alarm. “Mikasa? Are you in there? Are you alright?”
Grating thuds broadcasted into her ear before more dialogue. “How can a door like this be locked?” The frustration in Levi’s voice was now in full swing. “Open it already unless you want to watch me break it down!”
“The design may be dated, but in these parts we obviously have to find some way to secure things…” Ymir grumbled in response. The ringing of metal against metal sounded before Mikasa heard the faint turning of a key into that inconspicuous gap within the doorframe. Enabling the locking mechanism earlier was strategic, however she was not expecting the situation to be revealed this soon, and by these two no less.
When the door slid open, every sound became twice as audible – starting with the panicked gasp from Ymir. Mikasa closed her eyes to envision the scene they must have uncovered: her room in complete disorder, random bloodstains upon the ground, select valuables gone. There were only a few possible deductions one could make from a display of that nature, and none bode well for her fate.
“Where…where is she?! What the fuck happened?” Though she could now hear Levi with stronger clarity, it was far too difficult to decipher all the emotions drenched within those few words. The shock was something akin to his final reaction towards her the previous night, while the overwhelming desperation echoed her own cries for solace from earlier. She nearly wanted to lift silent apologies again for distressing him so much within such a short period of time, yet once she recalled his first actual role in her livelihood, malice littered over that fragile blanket of sorrow.
“I—I—I have no idea—” Within her ear piece, Ymir gave a nervous stammer, no doubt in terror at both Levi and her own mysterious disappearance.
The last noises she heard were of his departing footsteps, rushing away to places unknown. And despite her better judgment, there was that usual need again – that need to know.
“Armin…” She questioned with slight hesitance. “You said you cut off video surveillance across the teahouse. Did you cut off audio as well?”
“I don’t think I did…” Armin answered after some contemplation. “The video was just so that they couldn’t see me sneak in or you sneaking out…but the audio channels run on another server. It didn’t matter anyway since you requested from the beginning for your room to not be bugged at all…”
And for good reason. For today as well as…last night. Her mind couldn’t help but wander towards those cherished yet grisly territories again. But before further ventures, she sought distraction via an unyielding request.
“Then give me the channel codes to Erwin’s room.”
“Wha…what?” Thrown off by her sudden change of tone, Armin returned to his usual prudent demeanor again. “Mikasa…”
“I know you never wanted to give me them before so I wouldn’t become obsessed with spying on Erwin day in and day out.” She responded before he could express further grievances. “But I did it anyway, didn’t I? Both through you at headquarters and…even in person. Now I just need the actual codes — I promise this is the first and the last time.”
Armin propped himself against the brick wall with a heavy sigh.
“Please. Armin—”
“What did you hear, Mikasa?” Rather than answering her request, he cut her off this time. “Was it Levi?”
The mere mention of his name triggered a violent shudder to run down her spine.
“I…no.”
“I know you’re lying.” Shutting both eyes, Armin continued his fruitless questioning. “You slept together, didn’t you?”
Her shudders transformed into delicate sparks of bliss at the memory of it all, causing sensations she had wanted to forget to surface again in the midst of vicious intentions. Finding it suddenly difficult to stand, Mikasa closed her own eyes and knocked her forehead against the brick wall, almost bruising skin with the force of the impact.
“Never mind - I won’t make it my business anymore, especially because I can read you like a book at this point.” Recognizing her unsolicited struggle, Armin pulled back as he usually did. “This time it’s different, though, right? No matter how much you denied it to me before, you developed actual feelings for him in the middle of a mission…something you shouldn’t have done.”
You have no idea how right you are, Armin. I shouldn’t have.
“I told you before, Mikasa. You would regret it because there was too much you didn’t know.”
Though she knew that he wasn’t aware of the ultimate truth behind her turmoil, the words nonetheless pierced her with a cruelty that threatened to hijack whatever was left of her sanity. But just as she was close to faltering, Armin moved over and reached out his palm. “Give me the dial of your device.”
“What…what are you doing?” Only her lips moved as she attempted to make sense of his actions.
Without physical response from her, he reached into the bag and grabbed the dial himself. “There was too much you didn’t know, so you should keep learning.” He advised while twisting the control knob back and forth in a particular pattern. “Just as I made myself learn so many difficult truths in the past day.”
“Armin…”

“Like I said, we’ve been fed lies about The Legion.” He stopped his movements and returned the dial into her hand. “Maybe Erwin…your parents…”
It’s not even about Erwin anymore—Mikasa almost divulged aloud, but the renewed echoing of Levi’s voice demanded her complete attention, and so she opened her eyes again, attempting to digest all that she had asked for.
“…someone took Mikasa.” The report, caught by her just in time, was no doubt directed towards his blonde superior. “I think it’s Ackerman.”
In that second, she was certain that no other statement in the universe could be more ironic. Well, you’re not wrong, technically.
“I’m going after him, Erwin.” There it was again - the same desperation that would’ve moved the rigid mountains of her heart had their fates not been so ill-aligned. “If he took her – if that motherfucker hurts her in any shape or form -”
“Levi.” Erwin expressed concern with his usual collected tone. “Control yourself.”
“Easier said than done.”
There was the sound of the door slide, indicating his intention for a hasty exit, yet only a pause followed.
“She already rejected me, in case you were wondering.” The unexpected admission came at the trail of a scoff, and she could almost picture the pained expression cloaking his features. “But not before she took off with the damn heart I didn’t even know I had.”
Levi, you… Though she was already aware of his feelings, hearing them again in such a fashion and told to a third party who held much of his trust – even if Erwin held none of hers - had made everything exponentially momentous.
“As soon as I saw the blood all over her room my first thought was that I was to blame for leaving her defenseless…and alone, which is how we bonded in the first place.” The ongoing words became a deluge that submerged Mikasa from within. “Fucking pathetic, aren’t I?”
“No, Levi.” There was little disbelief as Erwin finally spoke again. “I already knew from the start that you would get to this point.”
“Yes, you always know…”
“Go, if you must. Just ensure that there are no threats to our causes first.”
“I will.” Two final words from Levi and a light sigh from Erwin later, only those same departing footstep sounds remained.
He’s coming. For me. She reiterated the impending occurrence in her head as she slowly removed the earpiece. If he somehow manages to find her again, she knew that the next move would rest in her hands.
“Are you ready to go inside now?” Armin watched her with concern, his finger already prepared to press the doorbell.
Mikasa’s attention darted towards the matter at hand, and the realization of just how long they had loitered outside like panhandlers finally dawned on her.
“Yes.” She murmured with embarrassment.
—
Seconds later, the bright expression of a short young woman who looked suspiciously similar to Armin greeted them from behind the door, causing Mikasa to almost do a double-take. The moment their hostess observed Armin’s actual condition, however, smiles turned into apprehension as she rushed them within the security of her walls.
The home was warm and welcoming, Mikasa noted in the brief moment she had to absorb everything before heading upstairs with the two blondes. Beyond the light fragrance of cinnamon, framed paintings with unknown artists lined the beige walls, and varied styles of antique furniture were positioned as if they served an entire family rather than just a single female. Though the tenant was evidently of similar age as them, a classic flair embodied every element of her décor, wordlessly articulating her appreciation for elapsed – and perhaps simpler – times.
Fifteen steps and a short walk later, Armin seemed to immediately relax once he settled upon the threaded saffron sheets of the guest room bed. Without pause, the young woman retrieved a washbasin from beneath the bed and ran to the restroom, where she immediately began gathering hot water. Once the faucet overcame its initial sputter, her hands reached into a wall cabinet to acquire a fresh roll of bandages, a bottle of iodine, and some other containers of unknown substances. Only when she collected everything – including a hoard of towels - did she finally turn back towards the bedroom and face Mikasa.
“Sorry I didn’t introduce myself right away - I’m Krista Lenz.” She bowed with courtesy, almost falling over due to the enormous load within her arms. But when Mikasa hurried over to help, she declined.
“I was formerly a nurse, so I’m used to all this.” She grinned before carefully placing the objects upon the nightstand next to where Armin rested.
“Don’t worry, Mikasa.” Armin also reassured. “She is good at what she does.”
Krista sent a glance of gratitude at the compliment as she pulled over a small stool and sat by the nightstand, thoroughly prepared to unbandage and redress the head wound using her expertise.
“I was also known as Historia Reiss,” She continued while both hands went to work. “But I no longer go by that name…for reasons Armin may have already explained to you.”
“Yes, he has.” Mikasa stated as she recalled the girl’s own unfortunate circumstances. “Thank you for your help and hospitality, Krista.”
“It’s the least I can do. Please go rest in the other guest room - I will make sure he is taken care of.”
Seeing the meticulous manner at which Armin’s injury was now being handled, Mikasa finally felt a sense of relief sufficient enough to leave him be. Just as she began to bid farewell, however, Armin suddenly lifted a hand – with that foreboding stack of papers still clutched within.
“Mikasa…please take these.” He said with insistence. “You don’t have to read them all right away, but better sooner than later.”
Though she still held fear for what all that she might learn, Mikasa knew that she was no longer subject to blissful ignorance. And so she walked over with confidence before collecting the documents in full, now more ready than ever to abscond from the only life she had learned to live.
“Thank you, Armin.”
—
After changing into a casual outfit comprised of a dark gray blouse and a mid-length black skirt – no longer her preference, but she had no other choice - Mikasa perused the confidential papers into the late hours of the night behind the second guest room’s locked door. Upon her desk were piles of documentation on both members of The Legion and various individuals within the government. However, as Armin had revealed, this time the texts were significantly different from the dossiers she had studied for months. Though assassinations had indeed taken place a few times under Erwin’s authority – and carried out by Levi - they only occurred against the most despicable of government officials. She cringed and shook when she realized that in the versions that she had before, all the horrific crimes supposedly attributed to Erwin and his subordinates were actually the offenses of politicians whom she was responsible for. A few clever keyboard clicks, and what was previously accurate information would easily become mislabeled.
What was especially glaring was Hanji’s file, where her actual crimes were limited to disturbing the peace and unauthorized entry. There were no longer mentions of human torture, not even a note on any type of psychotic personality. Whatever scientific experiments she had conducted, Mikasa was now certain that as Levi had said, they were merely for the citizens’ eventual benefit.
And Levi. His was still the most troubling despite all the improvements, and his involvement in her parents’ deaths would forever leave a dark mark. But even if he had done unspeakable things as a child, compared to her own missions – all of whom had been conducted under a mere disguise of righteous authority – what Levi did to serve The Legion was perhaps more akin to a shadowed guardian, with every task bearing an intention to protect the masses from what was truly despicable.
But why? If discovering these files wasn’t part of the plan, why would anyone even think that I would defect…?
Just as her thoughts wrestled upon that mystery, she spied an unread page that had a scribble of her own name upon its creased corner. With discomfort her fingers inched towards the characters, eventually sliding the entire thing into further visibility. As soon as she saw what came next utter regret overwhelmed her, for the name “Djel Sanes” and his light-eyed, wrinkled appearance made her nearly crumple the paper straightaway.

This time, however, something whispered for her to remain resilient, and so she finally swallowed the bile that threatened to accompany every heave, instead fighting to read through the fine print that she had never seen prior to this evening. She was always told a single perspective by those who trained her – that he was an honorable politician, a martyr for the government’s noble cause, just as her parents were…
Suspected of directing torture upon 253 citizens – not indicted
Indicted for 37 counts of first-degree manslaughter – acquitted for 30, declared mistrial for 7
Indicted for 12 counts of second-degree murder – acquitted for 9, declared mistrial for 3
Indicted for 7 counts of first-degree murder – all acquitted
…and yet, not a single individual, not a single hand in this world would prove to be clean of blood.
At last, Mikasa collapsed under the burden of horrifying truths. Though she had empowered herself to withstand the worst, the multiplying force of each revelation only crushed her to the bone, rendering her nothing more than the parched skin that now held no substance within.
Erwin was right to carry out his assassina—no, execution, for every crime he got away with. Those in charge knew the risk that he would tell me the truth…and that’s why they considered the possibility of my defection.
Father…mother…how could I let them pull such thick wool over my eyes?
Levi…
“…Mikasa.”
Without warning, a gentle set of knocks accompanied a hauntingly familiar voice, the owner of which had just drifted through her thoughts. Is this…a dream?
“Mikasa. I know you’re in there.” The door thudded again.
The reprise injected unprecedented shock and energy back into her, eliminating any chance that Levi’s presence was only another figment of her unruly imagination. With fervor she gathered all the damning papers that had induced her gradual demise for the past few hours, stuffing the eventual pile into a drawer as silently as she could. Then, she froze as she gazed at the scabbard barely protruding from the opening of her duffel.
Could you still do it? Avenge?
“You weren’t hard to track down, you know.” He continued with a calm timbre that became the worst interruption towards the anarchy of her thoughts. “Someone with your features is never seen around these parts any longer. You left too many witnesses on your trail, and this house has a joke of a security system.”
The unwitting reminder that she was indeed the last of her kind flicked a traumatic switch within Mikasa, driving her prejudice further against him in the most extreme of ways. Those warm eyes that stared down upon her were replaced by the cold ones that stared down upon her parents, creating a chilling contrast that revealed the true nature of who he was – and who he always will be. Even if her superiors had betrayed her, even with all they shared between them, she remembered once more that he had dealt the initiating blow towards a painful chain reaction – one that led their respective paths to the opposing sides of this door.
She stood, walking over to the duffel at a snail’s pace before removing her blade from the scabbard with almost apathy. When she gazed at her own image upon the polished metal, the bloodshot eyes she saw reflected the appearance of a trained killer – one that was ready to shed blood on command, whether the command came from those above, or herself.
You must do it. The combatant side of her paced towards the door, and she eventually leaned a straightened back against the wood, rigid fingers gripping the handle of her weapon with the strength of steel.
“I know now that my suspicion of who you were with was likely wrong…” Levi continued speaking with utter obliviousness. “Who is the blonde guy people say you were carrying around? I know he is here, as well as the lady of the house, but I didn’t wake them.”
Armin.
The mention of her trusted comrade suddenly delivered a much needed dose of reality, fetching her back into memories of just how heartless their superiors had been towards him, and how much the two of them had been misled for all these years. We weren’t going to be given any final chances, but I am different, aren’t I? I am still the Mikasa taught by my parents, taught to have compassion, to love, and I love…
“Levi…” Even saying his name was torturous labor as her stiff back managed to relax into an inelegant curve. “Please…just go.”
If you don’t take this final act of mercy I’m giving you…
“I no longer care if you still don’t want anything more between us.” To her frustration, he exhibited no desire to depart her side no matter her pleads. “Just open the damn door and let me see for myself that you are alright. And then, maybe I will go.”
As much as the earnest words inadvertently healed her damaged spirit, Mikasa knew she no longer had time to dwell within hopeless dreams. “I need you to go, Levi.”
An elongated silence followed, almost causing her to claim victory - until the most tormenting words came.
“I heard you last night, Mikasa.”
Heard me?

“Your ‘aishiiteru.’ I pretended that I didn’t understand it, or even heard it. But I know…I know what it means in your language.”
Her shaking hand nearly dropped the short sword, despite her previously firm grasp. Never had Mikasa imagined that his trump card would come in such a form, that her own uninhibited words would ultimately return to haunt them both. There was now little reprieve between her honesty and her lies, for she now knew that those actually marked the two ends shaping the labyrinth she had been doomed in.
“Why did you fucking say it?” Levi’s voice now had a faint brokenness to it that she had not anticipated. “Why did you confess that you loved me if you never meant it?”
I meant it.
“I meant it.” Her heart plunged into oblivion when she realized that for once – perhaps the worst time possible - she had spoken her thoughts aloud. Almost immediately, she scrambled to salvage the situation with an additional declaration - one that would place a final nail upon the closing coffin of their relationship.
“But…but you and I…we were destined to be alone after all.”
“Why?” Louder knocks, though this time more rhythmic rather than erratic, began to supplement his demands again. “Why are you the one to make that choice, Mikasa? Where is my damn say in all this?”
“You have none.” Not as the murderer of my parents…
Suddenly, the knob began to turn without any inhibitions, and before she even comprehended the event, the entire door began to swing open against her will. Instead of laying contrasting force upon the wood – she knew they were even at best in a battle of pure physical strength - she chose to step back and hide the short sword behind her via a strategically bent arm, pressing one of the flattened sides flush against her spine.
Once the door swung fully open, she could only take one further step backward as Levi threw a rather forlorn gaze towards her. In addition to his signature neckwear, the long black blazer, black trousers, and white shirt were still part of his usual ensemble, while a singular scabbard attached unto his hip. But this time, a pair of unfurled paper clips shone as an unexpected accessory between his fingers. Mikasa developed swift comprehension that the most recent knocking noises only served to distract her from his sidestepping act, and that he had always intended to see her in the flesh no matter what she did.
“Maybe I have no say.” Levi raised his improvised tools before stuffing them into one of his pockets. “But I will always have one-handed lockpicking skills for these ancient doorknobs.”
Murderer of my parents. Mikasa’s brain attempted to prompt her once more. Yet the moment she came face-to-face with him again, she could not regard him in that role. In that instant he was only Levi, the one who bore her same wounds, the one who understood what she divulged of her sorrow, the one who made love to her like they were the first and last souls left in the world.
“Mikasa…” Slowly, he began to shorten the distance between them as he entered the room at a calculated pace, with lips communicating the latest of their many mutual interrogations. “What are you so fucking afraid of?”
The genuine concern in his tone was almost unbearable, for Mikasa knew she could not possibly confess that it was both him and herself that she now feared the most. But as his imposing presence came closer and closer, that fear gave partial leeway to the memories of his touch, which had unsettled her ever since he first disappeared from her side. One more time. One last time. Her innate longing cried for a final fulfillment before she ran at top speed towards the labyrinth’s perilous conclusion.
All pending declarations became temporarily queued as their mouths surrendered the exchange of words for the exchange of breaths. With a familiar hunger lips pressed together, while their tongues attempted to emulate those intoxicating movements from the previous night. She allowed him to push her gently until she completely leaned against the opposite wall, for both of Levi’s forearms also found purchase upon the surface, in turn preventing his hands from ever detecting her weapon. Her bent arm had to be careful as to not accidentally cut her clothing or disturb the wall paint with the hidden sword. Though at that point, it was almost difficult to control any bodily function outside of the anglings of her head and neck. So she focused on drinking him in with the utmost zeal, knowing full well that it might be her last opportunity to do so.
“Come with me…” An indecipherable period later, he repeated that cursed request with nearly the same hope that she had already witnessed once before. Only this time, a heated meeting of lips intervened between every few words. “Please, Mikasa…Let me keep you safe…from whatever is chasing after you.”
Come with me, Mikasa.
Kill me, Mikasa.
I will kill you, Mikasa.
“Levi…no.” With conviction, she finally shoved him away with all her might, stripping away the last layer of tainted varnish upon their world of make-believe. Out of instinct, the arm folded behind her exposed itself again, and the next thing they both knew, the sharpened edge of her sword found itself against Levi’s neck with a menacing intent.
“What…are you doing?” He glanced between her and the glinting metal with still-swollen lips, though his every word already hung at the edge of disdain. “Is there a reason why you are pointing this at me?”
The rapid change in his character – from passion to suspicion – verified to Mikasa that there was now truly no going back. And so she attempted to remove all hints of yearning from her own eyes and psyche, including the most recent retentions of their kiss.
“I told you already.” She forced a glower. “We were destined to be alone.”
The emphasis she placed upon that final phrase was fully intentional, for she knew how it could simultaneously serve as their connection and their severance.
“I tried to tell you to leave, but you wouldn’t listen. And so it has come down to this…”
A part of Levi – she couldn’t be certain which – visibly twitched, and the reaction only provoked her physical instincts to continue onward on behalf of the verbal onslaught. But before they both plunged into battle, she dealt her own trump card in the form of that signature stance – knees bent and fully poised, with only the slight modification from the arm that already extended towards him. The immediate recognition that flashed across his gaze was full of astonishment, though the suggestions of pain and betrayal were just as hard to miss.
"No. It can’t be.” She watched his mouth whisper.
Almost instantly, his aura shifted. And before Mikasa could even digest the change his right arm already reached towards his side weapon and drew it at blazing speed. The tight angle of the removal enabled him to knock blade against blade with a single swing, the force of which managed to propel her sword – and her arm - a distance away from his vulnerable flesh. Mikasa immediately jumped to the side, following the concentrated momentum as much as she could in order to not lose balance. With a mere second of negligence she had already lost her upperhand, and thus she took a moment to refocus upon the idea that whatever their past represented, there would likely be no more mercies distributed tonight. The extreme side of her wanted to ensure that even within the limited space of this guest room he would understand who she was to the fullest, for she sought to deliver echoes of their garden duel – only this time, one would actually emerge victorious. But as she took another defensive stance, Mikasa noticed that Levi fixated not upon her but still upon her previous position, now only a vacated space with the backdrop of beige plaster.
“You’re…you’re agent Ackerman.” His voice held preoccupation that conveyed hidden fissures upon in a stoic visage. “The one whose fucking first name had always evaded us…”
Giving in to the feral instincts of her body and not her soul, she answered with a charge, angling her strike to aim at his bicep. To her shock, Levi did not retaliate but merely stepped aside, and her blade slashed across his upper sleeve, severing tightly-grouped threads across multiple layers before breaking the surface of his skin.
When she turned back to absorb the results of her aggression, what she saw first nearly quelled her own drive. From his new position, the familiar eagle tattoo rested between the opening of thoroughly lacerated fabric, with its bullet hole eye possessing a glare far more penetrating and accusatory of her than Levi’s own. Across the inked feathers of its neck was the proof of her treachery – a dark, crimson cut giving the illusion that its head had been severed.
She stumbled backward against another wall, feeling her resolve weaken by the second.
“So I loved a façade, after all.” He still refused to meet her eyes, choosing instead to inspect the wound she had just inflicted. “Mikasa…Ackerman…”
Loved. Mikasa shuddered at the unintentional confession that could’ve served as reciprocation to hers, only now the underscored word plowed through the wreckage of her heart. No, Levi, it was never a total façade. It was barely a façade…
"I knew my instincts were correct. When I examined your hands that second night…they were far too calloused for a mere dancer. And your body, Mikasa…"
Don’t say my name again. Don’t. "So you never stopped suspecting me, either." Instead of planning any further attacks, she found that she could only stare at a random point upon the floor, with her weapon dangling with the strength of a wilted plant in her hand. "Have we been fooling each other this entire time, then, Levi?"
He scoffed coldly. “We have both been willing fools, have we not? Fools allowing ourselves to dwell in some distorted concept of happiness before being dragged back into this…shitty, senseless reality.”
Happiness. What a pipe dream.
“The night we first fought…that’s why you stopped me from chasing further.” He scoffed again as he uncovered more memories. “You turned from agent to seducer so seamlessly and put a veil over my eyes.”
She knew now why he had been so restrained for the past few minutes – he had been dissecting every single one of their interactions in his head, distinguishing exactly where he had gone wrong. For her, there was nothing left to do but concur.
“It was…a rather good veil, wasn’t it?”
“And last night?” The topic quickly changed to one with the most potential damage. “Was it all just an act then? An act to sidetrack me?”
No. You actually healed me. You gave me a glimpse of everything I ever wanted… “It certainly worked, didn’t it?” Her thoughts and words began to tread upon divergent paths, for they always desired to voyage towards those opposite labyrinth ends. “Look at how devastated you are right now.”
"Why didn’t you just slice my throat then, Mikasa?" The sudden, intense elevation of his tone indicated that the verbal provocation had worked. "Fuck, you could’ve easily killed me at any moment during all the times we spent toge—"
She cut him off abruptly, not wishing to hear more. “Because you deserved a better end.” Because I couldn’t kill you. Because I still can’t. “Because I was ordered not to.”
“Because you were ordered not to.” He repeated her claim with a tinge of sarcasm. “I guess you never really needed any protection from me, did you?”
No, but I needed you.
With all her power, Mikasa craned her neck upward again, catching him in her vision once more. Though his eyes were still downcast, she noted that at some point he had turned to face her while still maintaining a secure distance against the opposite wall. To his side, his weapon bore the same lifeless quality as her own. There was no remnant aura of hostility, just a sense of dejection that her recent words had no doubt instigated.
You might’ve been wrong for once, Armin. He was never going to kill me, after all. She sighed at the hypothesis that they had both presumed to be true, but she knew it had to undergo just one more test.
“Erwin Smith was my intended target. Not you.” Never, never did I want it to be you.
Mikasa chose to divulge that particular fact, for just like the night they shared tea, she knew that in order to move the conversation further in her advantage prior to any more bloodshed, she had to take back complete control. And so instead of fostering emotional lies that had pierced wounds at herself, she dove in for the most extreme of circumstantial truths, no longer leaving any details submerged in the ocean of her thoughts.
"But even though my original goal was to eliminate him…This whole time, it was actually your head I was personally after."
At last, his gaze darted up to meet hers.
"Why?" Narrow eyes expressed bewilderment. "I can understand why the government wanted to target The Legion, but why me on your own? How have I wronged you exactly?"
She shut her eyes briefly as she recalled unwanted memories again. When she reopened them, she ensured that even at his proximity, Levi would not miss the affliction that had permeated her grey depths.
“Do you remember? Eleven years ago?”
His brows furrowed. “Eleven? What are you…”
With renewed fervor, she pushed herself off the wall that had provided critical support and aimed the end of her sword in his direction. “My parents were caught in the crossfire of one of The Legion’s assassination attempts. And you…you, Levi, you took a gun and extinguished their last breaths, under Erwin’s order.”
“You killed my parents in cold blood.” The accusations continued as she took sizeable steps forward, her pointed weapon unwavering in its raised position. “You drove me into the oblivion that I have been smothered by for more than a decade, the loneliness that I described so extensively to you. And I…somehow my brain decided to shut out that awful memory of you until last night…after…”
Levi showed no evidence of movement, even as the sharp tip soon came threateningly close to his throat. But when her own lips quivered in front of him, his fissures finally cracked wide open.
"You…you were the little girl." Rigid back now flush against the wall due to her advance, his expression was hauntingly similar to hers when the truth first unraveled barely 24 hours ago. The overdue recognition only brought Mikasa further sorrow, for it only proved that he was indeed at least present during the ordeal.
“Will you deny your crimes, Levi?” With heavy reservation, she sought out the grim answer firsthand.
Please…say that you didn’t do it.
“I will not deny it.” Steadfastness clouded his eyes as he delivered her worst fears. “It is the truth. I shot them both in the head, twice each. That…I will never forget.”
The direct confession shattered Mikasa more than the most torturous of punishments, and though she still stood solidly in place, she could feel herself raising a battered white flag to the oblivion that had waited to swallow her whole within that unsolvable maze. That beautiful dimension that she and Levi had attempted to build together, even if under somewhat false pretenses, was truly no more. Ever since day one, it had already foreordained collapse due to the brittle foundation provided by maligned fates. She had seen all the cracks, all the warning signs, even watched it sway against the unforgiving gusts of vengeance, and yet that single, thin column of faith that kept everything standing never faltered – until now.
In the midst of those ruins, she somehow still deciphered his ongoing words.
“Your parents were the last innocents I ever murdered. But I’ve always felt that out of all who had fallen victim under my hands, that little girl had the most deserving reason to bring me to my own demise. What brutal irony this is…” One of his palms lifted to his face, covering half to hide the emerging grief.
She cried alongside him, but just like Levi, the tears only trickled deep within. In the same hidden cavern, she also discarded the urge to embrace him and prevent their joint collapse, for there was no more strength left to give.
“Mikasa…how? How could it be you?” The anguished exclamations became his first severe display of emotion since their kiss broke. “Why…why the fuck was it you? Why??”
I wish…I wish I knew. His unguarded demonstration nearly severed the last straw of Mikasa’s resolve, but she somehow maintained herself. Outwardly, she found that she could only express the same words that they were now so familiar with – as always the only explanations they could afford.
“The tea is repulsive, Levi…” More than ever, she felt the hollowness of every syllable as she recited them. “And…the world is cruel.”
He watched her with the most sullen of looks, as if he acknowledged the same defeat.
“We were cursed with the worst kind of solitude.”
“If we are forever cursed with it, then let me repay a choice with regrets using a choice with no regrets.” Without warning, he gripped the dull edge of her sword and pulled the menacing tip even closer to his own throat. “Do it, Mikasa. Give me what I fucking deserve. Avenge them.”
The monumental decision rendered Mikasa frozen, for she hadn’t anticipated his determination at such an irreversible punishment. Even though their eyes were locked upon one another, she could still see the light pulses along his neck travel with fervor, as if knowing that the time for their final assigned responsibilities loomed near. So recently had she blessed them with her lips, giving them more reason than ever to keep moving forward, and yet now, she might actually become the one to bring about their cessation.
“Do it, Mikasa. This might be the only way to truly end both our nightmares.”
The statement flowing from his lips rang true, even if she never dared to admit it. Yet, as she looked into the steel blue hues that had rekindled wilted hopes for even the briefest of moments, she realized that the worst of nightmares would still rest in her future if she went ahead with this deed. For more than a decade she had waited for this moment, but somehow, she foresaw the faintest signs of life in their destroyed paradise – emotions, indulgences, beliefs that could never be lost no matter how complex the labyrinth. And at the indefinite vision of what could still be, she knew once and for all what her final verdict was.
I can’t.
I’m sorry. Father…mother…I can’t kill him.
A glaring red flashed across her eyes, as if signaling for her to speak aloud.
“Are there truly any choices with no regrets, Levi?” She yanked the sword out of his grip and lowered it. “How can you expect me to—-”
She paused. For some reason, the astonishment in Levi’s widened eyes seemed like a reaction too extreme for even her sudden withdrawal.
“—GET DOWN! ”
His entire body was suddenly upon hers as he launched from the wall and pushed her to the side with significant force. Mikasa crashed against the floor, her short sword flying into the corner as her brain attempted to make sense of the situation. The crisp sound of glass breaking, followed by Levi’s pained shout and the resounding thud of his own body impacting the area perpendicular to where she rested, soon provided ghastly hints.
When she sat up again, the guest room was a different – and more horrific – display than just seconds ago. Two of the panels of the north side window, where one could get a clear view of the spot she previously stood in, had been shattered by the potency of whatever had entered the room. Her eyes traveled with dread to the source of strained groans, and the sight of Levi’s trembling form – and the dark, stained area underneath his midsection that increased in size at every second – nearly crumpled her.
No.
Her mind thrust into those persistent nightmares that had been consumed by crimson time and again. Is this…is this the blood consequence that I had dreamed of? A shadow of herself gave a silent, frenzied scream into unknown corners of darkness.
“Mikasa…”
Like an inadvertent beacon, Levi’s mumble somehow jerked her out of whatever obscurity that had ensnared her. She once again grasped unto the fact that they were in Krista’s residence, and that he had shoved her out of the way from whatever caused his own wound.
His own wound.
The realization made her crawled maniacally towards him, desperate to examine the graveness of his injury and to uncover just what had been the cause. Once she got close enough to perceive the situation, she almost gasped. A large hole now took residence at the top left side of Levi’s midsection, and she could detect the internal mutilation of his stomach and spleen beneath the chaos of torn skin and muscle, all failing to stop the endless gushing of blood. The culprit was without doubt a bullet, yet it had traveled completely through him whilst leaving a wide path of mass destruction. And such a giant exit wound…how—
Exploding round. Government issue only. The immediate identification of the bullet type made Mikasa recognize a crucial detail: the red flash from earlier had been nothing but the endpoint of a sniper rifle’s laser sight.
They had been found - and he had seen with full clarity what she did not detect.
“Levi…Levi!” She moved to cradle his head in her lap, reaching shaking hands to place ineffective pressure upon the gaping wound. No, no…
“Huh…” He watched her with eyes already half-hooded, struggling to inhale a breath alongside each word. “Erwin…would be so ashamed…of me right…now…”
“Why?” Tears now welling, she scrambled for her headscarf within the close by duffel to help slow his bleeding, though it proved difficult to completely wrap around his waist. She then grabbed for the robe she had escaped in before tearing long strips from it to help supplement any lackluster length, even though she wasn’t certain just how thorough the material’s liquid containment could be.
“I brought all this shit upon myself…all because I wanted to keep you safe…again…”
Again? The word did not take logic at those frenzied moments. She only knew that once more, the world had refused to be logical to either of them.
His blood soaked hand suddenly gripped her forearm, which was still struggling with the various fabric’s coverage of his injury.
“Just go, Mikasa…” He attempted to wrench her limb away from himself. “Take your friends with you before…”
She halted him with her own grip before snapping back. “I am not leaving you here to die. And don’t you dare fucking suggest it.” Liquid finally ran down the corners of her eyes as she secured a tie upon the makeshift tourniquet.
“And Erwin wondered…why I fell for you.” Levi smiled weakly. “You were right, you know…even this choice, I already regret. Saving you…and then having to leave you…”
“Stop talking, dammit.” Mikasa shifted behind him again, eventually lifting herself into a standing position once more. “I have to move you out of this room.”
“You have to…stay low—”
Just as her hands gripped his shoulders to drag him backward, she heard the dreadful shattering of another pane of transparent material. A nanosecond of the swoosh noise followed as another tiny shadow flew in her direction at unstoppable velocity.
This time, the projectile shredded through her own flesh and bone, demolishing ribs and obliterating lung cells in the process.
Excruciating pain beyond human comprehension tore through her body as Mikasa crashed backwards onto the ground. Metallic liquid immediately expelled from her mouth upon impact, and the ensuing stream quickly flowed into the crimson pool that had already collected all around Levi’s torso. Before long, she rested soundlessly with eyes angled towards the window, where the various panels of glass had already disintegrated into a million pieces by all the recent assaults. Some of her fingers remained limp against his shoulder, denoting with the most tragic quality just how her efforts at saving them both were in vain.
“No…” As paralysis spread throughout her body, she felt Levi’s damp nails scratch against her palm in a final, futile attempt at redemption. “Mi…kasa…”
Her failing irises rejected the request for movement – a desperate need to see him one last time before what might become their mutual end. But all was lost as she became relegated to solely the view of nightfall, and after brief, panicked considerations towards Armin and Krista’s fate, a final thought transpired amidst the throes of her collapsing consciousness.
The sky. Even the sky is soaked in blood.
—
Chapter VI – End